This is a nicely written and mildly erotic little vignette, but it's not very engaging.
There's no dramatic tension - it's clear from the start that the two will have sex. And you don't tell us enough about the characters to make either engaging.
I'd like to see a more developed story; it makes the sex much hotter if I have some investment in the characters and the situation.
...who recommended more developed characters. It is a vignette—the bones, but little fascia, of a story.
Also, quite a few unnecessary words and phrases. Tightening the story will create more heat. Keep writing.
What I call, a 'no messing' story. You know what'as going to happen, and it happens pretty quickly and a good time was had by all. One more episode of this one I think...anal? A good erotic story and quite arousing...nice length too...x
English
I'd like to see more story
This is a nicely written and mildly erotic little vignette, but it's not very engaging.
There's no dramatic tension - it's clear from the start that the two will have sex. And you don't tell us enough about the characters to make either engaging.
I'd like to see a more developed story; it makes the sex much hotter if I have some investment in the characters and the situation.
Agree with Anonymous...
...who recommended more developed characters. It is a vignette—the bones, but little fascia, of a story.
Also, quite a few unnecessary words and phrases. Tightening the story will create more heat. Keep writing.
Professor G says...
I liked it!!!
A Job Done!
What I call, a 'no messing' story. You know what'as going to happen, and it happens pretty quickly and a good time was had by all. One more episode of this one I think...anal? A good erotic story and quite arousing...nice length too...x
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