Good story but needs to be longer then one page. So many writers write a good story but it's only one page. So maybe when or if you continue this story maybe try writing serveral more pages.
by
Anonymous06/17/13
not real good
since you gave very little background and almost no character development the teasing and her taking his boxers seems like it would piss him off and make him avoid and ignore her possibly leaving the cabin KEEP IT REALISTIC AND BELEIVABLE PLEASE.
by
Anonymous06/17/13
That was fucking awesome! Ignore those first two comments! Please, do continue. I want to read how their weekend turned out.
IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE STORY AND WANT TO IMPROVE LISTEN TO THE COMPLAINTS
the kiss ass reviews will not help you improve your writing IF you are smart you will listen to the complaints only. the teasing was a little over board especially when she took his boxers. after five years apart he would have been pissed off and left the house atleast for the night if not longer. SLOW IT DOWN this isn't the indy 500 build your characters and plot and give enough background to set things up properly. do a rewrite and add the proper background and character development to make it believable.
English
More please.
Great start, I hope to read the next part soon.
classy
You are a class above the rest.
Uptade soon please, this was incredible. Thanks.
Good story but needs to be longer then one page. So many writers write a good story but it's only one page. So maybe when or if you continue this story maybe try writing serveral more pages.
not real good
since you gave very little background and almost no character development the teasing and her taking his boxers seems like it would piss him off and make him avoid and ignore her possibly leaving the cabin KEEP IT REALISTIC AND BELEIVABLE PLEASE.
That was fucking awesome! Ignore those first two comments! Please, do continue. I want to read how their weekend turned out.
great
I would love to see the continuation of this story.
Awesome story
There needs to be another chapter or two. Thanks
IF YOU CARE ABOUT THE STORY AND WANT TO IMPROVE LISTEN TO THE COMPLAINTS
the kiss ass reviews will not help you improve your writing IF you are smart you will listen to the complaints only. the teasing was a little over board especially when she took his boxers. after five years apart he would have been pissed off and left the house atleast for the night if not longer. SLOW IT DOWN this isn't the indy 500 build your characters and plot and give enough background to set things up properly. do a rewrite and add the proper background and character development to make it believable.
Total fucking crap by A Wanker
Total fucking crap by A Wanker
no good
where is the story
Hjere is the rest.
Crap !
There's no part 2. Why the hell not ?
So hot, yet so disappointing.
I hate it when a story isn't finished.
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