Jonathan Creed

Wow

You are quickly becoming one of my favorites on this site. This one was slow to start but I got really into it.

Well written

A well written completely addictive story that could not be put down until the final full stop.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story, not only for the eroticism but for the intelligent, well-formed, storyline and the impeccible writing. Your editor should be congratulated. I did pause however, when on the 15th page I read; " ... it is amazing what you take for granite until you almost lose it." I assume that use of the word 'granite' in place of the usual 'granted' is a clever pun.
Thanks again for the engrossing story.

Fantastic.

There going to be a sequel?

what about the SOL's Kings Creed

are u going to complete the sequel

good stuff, but I'd like to see the story continued instead of simply reposted an older story. What happens next?

The sequel

All my attention is currently focused on another one of my stories. I will return to this world and finish my sequel to Jonathan Creed after that story is finished and posted. Keep in mind my stories are 200 plus pages in a standard word processor. These things take time.

Good story but too many typos

Sorry but you need another editor - the story is full of typos, spelling mistakes and wrong use of words. Spoils what has the potential to be a good story.

Boring

I come here for erotic stories....I rarely leave negative comments but 16 pages and hardly anything erotic. Write a sequel, but I won't bother wading through another 16 pages.

personally liked it

I personally enjoyed the story. Its nice sometimes to actually read something longer. Sixteen pages and it kept my attention the entire time. I didn't find my self skimming like I do a lot of the time. Awaiting a sequel, thanks.

A very good read, thanks for taking the time to write and post here.

Great job! Please keep writing!

Fantastic

This was yet another amazing story by you. The fact that I read all 16 pages and never felt bored, on an erotic fiction site, was great. I loved the story, and would love to see a side story, or mini-sequel about their life after this. It had all of... Three? Maybe four sex scenes in it, but I never felt like it needed more.

Excellent story.

great story. I really enjoyed the read

Even better than Celestial Matters

I loved Celestial Matters and am still desperate for the sequel but I think Jonathan Creed was even better! You had all the great elements I loved about CM (woman unwillingly enslaved but loving it at the same time) but a great deal more polished. There were a couple of typos but not enough to detract fromt the story. I loved the characterization of Jonathan and his combination of reluctance and excitement when it came to Sarah. I'd love to see this story (or parts of this story) from Sarah's perspective!
I can't wait to see what you do next.

Almost..

There were easily moments where I had scenes combined from hollywood movies and computer games playing in my head, camera panning an all that stuff.. that immediately crumbled again by the unexplained ease for that 'beast' to raise its head.
For the combination of the smarts and analytical power the desires were just too pointlessly standard. Ordering a book off amazon to see how it's done properly?! Very disappointing.

The genius of bdsm is supposed to be the freedom to do whatever the fuck your smarts combined with your desires are able to come up with. And now this chipped genius superhuman is doing what exactly? When he has a programmable meat puppet he could most likely hack and have her look different every week, if not every day?! Or incorporate all of that to a deeply twisted game of whatever..?! He reads a book how bdsm is supposed to be done. Kind of ridiculous, huh?

So dare to step out of the 'kinky norm' a little. Let your characters fantasize a bit too.

Wow.

I think you are possibly my favorite author on here, and I'd say you definitely are for the mind control category, which is my favorite category. When I read celestial matters, I was amazed, and I loved it. I honestly was afraid that that would be a fluke, a one time deal, but this just confirmed that you are a great writer. I enjoyed this almost as much as celestial matters.
Two things in particular that I love about your writing: the length of the stories, because I do love long pieces if literature, whether they be this, books, or other things; and the characters. In some cases the plot seems a little odd, but that is overshadowed by the quality of your writing and the way that I really get into the character's head. Keep writing man, keep writing.

Incredible, great author

Wow this is the most well written story I have read on this site. You've got some serious skills. Even with a background in reading/studieing classic literature at a "honors" college focused on classical education I can say that your writing is up there with anyone. Great imagery, consistantly voice throughout, and non-superficial character development in our protagonist. Not exactly what i expected on literotica, but it was a pleasant surprise. Really a great job. I'll definitely be checking out our other stuff.

Best story ever!!

I think it would make a great movie & I cant wait for more!!!!!!

Marvelous

It is one of the best stories i have ever read on any place.Some parts might be inspired from the Hollywood stories,But they are mended into story so perfectly.Very good work by the author.

Best Submission Ever.

I think that the title explains it all, looking forward to the sequel!
Because there will be a sequel.
A story this good can't be left as a stand-alone!
5/5 Keep up the outstounding work!

Marvelous

This story is great keep the stories coming.

Thanks for this!

You only have 2 stories submitted so far but have already become my favorite author on this site! Please continue this one as well as the other!

Keep it coming

As others have said, definitely one of the great stories on this site and why I come here. You can get a fuckfest anywhere, but a quality story, with real, deep characters is a rare treasure. If the inspiration strikes, this short story definitely deserves a sequel.

Fantastic

Not just sex, but a truly interesting story too!! Loved it!!!!

Fabulos

Not just sex, but a truly interesting story too!! Loved it!!!!

Congratulations

This story is now, without doubt, one of my favourite stories. The plot and character development is outstanding and always had me guessing. Furthermore, I feel that because the eroticism is not the main focus for extended parts of the story, it has a new and better element that improves it markedly and, as a result elevates the story from great to fantastic.

Thank you very much for such a good read.

Superb Story ..

Now I'm a Fan of you and for your writings

i want more

I'll eagerly be awaiting the next chapter of Jonathon Creed's life.

Epic Erotica!

One of my all time favorites. You created a couple of realistic and identifiable characters that resonant well. The geeky nerd most of us remember being, trying to find our place in the world. A princess/bitch who ends up finding true happiness in the arms of an unlikely lover we identify and pull for after she goes through a massive personality change.

There were a few typos and misspellings, but they were minor. I guess my biggest problem with the plot was actually that it took a "genius" to figure out that a large MNC would use subsidiaries and shell corporations to hide its secrets. I mean really? These are above average intelligence individuals with law degrees and experience in dealing with white collar crime and NO ONE before Creed guessed that was a possibility?!? That has been SOP with companies like that (at the point in history of the story) for 150 years. Everyone who deals with them knows that. That particular plot thread was a little shoddy, but most of the story was well thought out.

One suggestion though, use Jonathan's new found ability to rewrite part of the chip's programing to get rid of the more oppressive parts of Sarah's condition, especially her distance/migrane problem. Jonathan loves her and would want her to have a degree of a life apart from him and it isn't possible with that in place. Not to mention she would probably die if something ever happened to him like dying in the line of duty.

Loved the name of Jonathon's chip, "Rex". It is obvious that it was designed to be a sort of "uber-slave" who acts as a super-soldier as well as a taskmaster for other slaves. Obviously he is truly a "king" among slaves, with the intent of making Turner an emperor or "king of kings".

Seems to me that it is probable that Carol will at some point be joining Jonathan and Sarah in their bed. Even if Jonathan doesn't demand it (that would make him a rapist). It also seems likely that there will be encounters with others who have been implanted with the X-14s and A-34s as well. This would definitely have him living up to his "Rex" name with having a virtual harem at some point. I can see a major plot point of having Jonathan running around and destroying those hidden chips and "freeing" those who have been implanted already. Then there is the whole part of Sarah exploring and demonstrating her new found submissiveness and how Carol's presence affects their dynamic.

Best thing I have read on this site.

Fantastic story, which is rare. Praying for a sequel

5* just wow

Celestial Matter's was awesome but this story goes to a different level altogether. Can't wait for both sequels :)

Flawed masterpiece

This is a brilliant piece of imaginative writing.

But like potholes in the road, poor editing slows down the journey and jolts your readers out of the world you're creating. Then we have to settle down and get back in it.

It's a tribute to your imagination and storytelling ability that a reader can get through all 16 sections without giving up. It's worth it, but in Chapter 22 (the last page) alone, we have, among others:
-- She was eagle spread
-- her pale breast's
-- like me to whip you're pretty little pussy
-- all right and alright (with one one sentence intervening)
-- my slaves beautiful face
-- I couldn't live without you Sarah
-- chip in my brain that's function was unclear

There are lots of good editors available here who would like to work on your stories if they're all as good as this. Find one! Give your readers a level playing field instead of making us walk uphill to enjoy your stories!

Enjoyed it!

I was wondering if Jon will have more women tied to him from the original group in a future sequel?

Personally, 2 women is enough. any more and it becomes messy, the story hard to manipulate, and turns the main hero into an unrelenting sex machine who feels like he has to attend to every sexual whim of his women.

Jonathan Creed was great, even better than Celestial Matters. Same old typos and grammar errors, not a total turn off, as evidenced by your high ratings on both stories.

The story was well written, the dialogue flowing, details present. Can't wait for the sequel(s?)

I don't normally get into dom/sub stuff...

...but this fucking rocked!

More than just a little bit awesome!

Great story - didn't see the twists & turns, loved the characters! Loved it all. Please keep it coming. Can't wait for next installment

Impressive

I had low expectations for this one despite reading Celestial Matters. I'm just not into detective stuff and robot sex slaves. It was awesome read nonetheless and I couldn't stop reading till the end once I started. The end where Jonathon gets that chip somehow reminds me of Neo in the matrix. Good times.

Awesome story

This story is one of the best I have ever read!!

The characters, the plot, and the twists are fantastic!!

My all time fave DOM/sub story!

Just re-read it (for the third time lol) and I love it more than the first two times I've read it. Seriously thinking about copying it and pasting it into a book form so I can enjoy it as a regular book.

Eagerly awaiting the sequel, as well as the next chapter of Celestial Wars. Thanks again for your incredible work.

DD

Great story! You really could use an editor, though, primarily for grammar.

Superb

I love to read and have always liked reading my "porn" rather than watching it. This story turned me on to a whole different way of looking at erotic literature. Thanks for the enjoyable and "long" read. I don't know if there is a market for stuff like this, but you should write a longer story like this and sell the dam thing!

Thanks

Thanks for your response to my mail earlier, and for handing the sample for the sequel, I will start reading as soon as i can.

word for anyone else reading my comment: I've been asked to mention that this sample, containing the first 2 chapters from the sequel is being handed out to us readers while we wait. if by approach by mail like I've done or simply through here I do not know.

Ashish

Great story.waiting for next chapters.also waiting for celestial wars next chapters.

5 stars

This story is truly exceptional! The characterisation is superb and the pacing is beautiful. Despite it being 16 pages long, you never lost my attention.

You've produced a story that goes way over and above the literature normally found on this site (and I'm including my own stories in that!) to achieve something which is pretty rare: a story that is not only intriguing in its own right, but also downright sexy.

Too often you see good non-erotic writers fall flay on their face when it comes to writing about sex - and too often you see good erotic writers who can write a beautiful sex scene but fail to craft intriguing non-sexual plots. You've managed to master both!

This is the kind of erotica that inspires me to better myself as a writer.

Wow!

Excellent story! And thank you for putting the whole thing up rather then a meager page at a time. Again, what a fabulous, well told and sexy story!

Can't wait for a sequel

This is absolutely excellent. Your work is by far some of the best I've read on this site, and every story has left me wanting to read more. I would love to have a sequel to this story as well as more Celestial Wars.

Please Master

Please grace us with more of your outstanding prose.

This is the finest work I have found on this site..... We must have more!!!

Really Good Story

I enjoyed your story immensely. I'm looking forward to reading more adventures of Jonathon Creed, FBI Super Agent With Two Sex Slaves (So Far).

Seriously, very high quality. I'm impressed by the way you were able to finagle having your protagonist acquire sex slaves while still being a good guy with a functioning conscience.