This was a great story. I think it would have been better if you had included a translation of Mariana's Spanish comments. I think there is an erotic message there.
I had intend to include an English translation of what she was saying, but given the length of the story and how it would effect the pacing I let it fall by the way side. I may work an explanation of what she said in a later chapter if I can find a way to fit it in. But there is something erotic about being in that moment and not understanding what's being said and still making yourself understood.
by
Anonymous06/28/13
Not bad
It was pretty good once the action started, the set up wasn't the best and some (most) of the dialogue was terrible in that awful-porn way, but the sex was pretty decently described.
I don't think you need a translation, I don't know Spanish, but I liked it in there anyway.
English
I hope
There will be more of this, it was a good read
Good Story
This was a great story. I think it would have been better if you had included a translation of Mariana's Spanish comments. I think there is an erotic message there.
Mariana's Spanish dialog
I had intend to include an English translation of what she was saying, but given the length of the story and how it would effect the pacing I let it fall by the way side. I may work an explanation of what she said in a later chapter if I can find a way to fit it in. But there is something erotic about being in that moment and not understanding what's being said and still making yourself understood.
Not bad
It was pretty good once the action started, the set up wasn't the best and some (most) of the dialogue was terrible in that awful-porn way, but the sex was pretty decently described.
I don't think you need a translation, I don't know Spanish, but I liked it in there anyway.
Si. I like it.
Mucho Gracious. Lotta errors. Proof read with a different set of eyes. :
Good
I loved the middle and end how u left us wanting more
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