by Warlock1415
...just a few white trophys that the BLACK GODS 'OWN'!!!...VANNA WHITE..HEATHER TESCH..DOLLY PARTON..JANE SEYMOUR..RAQUEL WELCH..MICHELE KOCH..SAMANTHA BROWN..LAURA SAN GIACOMO..NANA VISITOR..ALL BREEDER VESSELS for the BIG BLACK ADONIS PIPELAYERS of the NBA and NFL BLACK STALLIONS..CONTRACTED out for 'CLUBBIN' and 'conferences'..both nationally and internationally..VANNA has her own private leer jet fleet to service the STALLIONS with as a reward...YOU GO GIRLS!!XXXXOXOXOXO..;-}}}..SOON TO join KING BARACK OBAMA and the FIRST BLACK LADY in the soon to be 'BLACK HOUSE'...america becomes BLACKLAND VERY, VERY SOON!!!..
...needs quotation marks, spell-check and a lot more exposition. Too much of this story was laden in dialogue, which, devoid of quotation marks, was hard to read through. Also, you need to draw things out a lot more. Did four guys show up in the house because the husband refused to suck dick? I don't think so. Was there a phone call made? How long did they wait? What happened while they waited? Put as many details as you can in your story and then pare back. You'll end up with a much better story.
If you'd made the chick 30+ years younger, you might have stood a chance at eroticism.
You don't use quotes. You don't separate dialogue. You don't even say who is saying what. Horrible writing
Learn to write properly, use punctuation and proper sentence construction.
The spelling and syntax on this story is so bad that it is distracting to read. Please find an editor for your work so that there is some semblance to eroticism for the reader.