All Comments on '5pm Fantasy'

...stories where one of the characters is referred to as "you", as though I am supposed to believe that that character is me.

This cliche'd gimmick almost NEVER works. The character is either the wrong gender, wrong age, or the wrong (any of a dozen or more other attributes) to be me, thus totally ruining the story's plausibility for me.

I usually - as I did this time - stop reading the story as soon as one of the characters is referred to as "you".