hard work

REAL

I really apprecialted how real life this was. The labor that goes into creation in a hard but loved job and the reward that comes with it. You captured it!

Thank's

it is appreciateds

For someone new to poetry

you're doing a lot of things right imo. The poem overall feels authentic with an urgent, passionate tone. The more specific you are, the better you sound. Lines like these~

"Hour upon indentured hour,
watching the saw dust plume and billow
The drone of the saw punctuated by high pitched screams
As board is separated, devoured by the blade

This is the theme music to my life,
Listening to the shrieking cries of aluminium,
The wounded sounds of rended wood
The high pitched hiss of scored glass,
The dull thunk as the score fractures"

are really good. You've presented something that is literal but then created a metaphor about music that pulls the poem together. For that reason I'd end the poem with that last line I quoted, "The dull thunk as the score fractures." What follows, while it may be true sounds more like telling than showing and even a little bit sappy. Or you could do something like The dull thunk as the score fractures and creates anew." But I think if you just end it on that fractures line and go back and read it, you may have changed your theme a bit but made a more powerful poem. Just my opinion of course.

Glad you've decided to hang around. You have talent for this. :-)

this

piece was wrtten after 33 hours of non stop work, I hadn't slept so I was feeling more than a little sorry for myself, hence the fatigue, death and teetering lines.
Thanks for the encouragement. I like writing, and thanks to erectus, ashesh, yourself now and a few others, I know that incrimental improvements have come.

excellent

to write about what one knows and experiences is illuminating

consider this

teetering/ teeth
bleeding
hear the long E, kind of screams at you, doesn't it, (what you want in context)
not sure about the ing sound
5ed btw

Didn't think about the ing sound

Thank you for the comment 1201 made me take a second look at my wording structures.

There is true value in all these small details you've put in the poem, Tod. It isn't by chance that others have mentioned that this "feels real" — you've mixed description and subtle metaphor. I kinda agree with Angeline, but would make it more general, that you could perhaps trim a bit to get a more focused / condensed piece. And it is a very good poem, as it is.

A puzzle inside an enigma inside a mystery

All the cries and screams are you! 2 starz