Girls Night Out

Just another cheating whore and a piece of shit that just might end up without a cock.

What?

Is this erotic.

standard writing errors

Whatever the erotic value of the story might be, the writing has one killer error. If you are writing this for yourself, fine. But if you are writing this with the intention of having other people read it, then think about the following: who is the "you" in the story? Someone is being referred to. The author is addressing someone.

Whoever it is, the "you" is certainly not me. When I read something like " I fill you with my thick cock" I'm thinking to myself, fuck this. Why, because I'm a guy and the author is addressing a female. A super turn-off. This type of story has about zero value for me. Talk about doing something to "her", or use "she" etc.

You made a killer mistake!

Never, NEVER write in the second person. It kills everything. How can you possibly know what "you" is feeling?

An eighth grader knows better than to make this mistake.

Not a bad story. It has all the elements and isn't poorly written. Sure, it would benefit from a good edit, but most could - including some published works by well known, contemporary authors.

What amazes me are the ugly,vitriolic, self-righteous comments left by anonymous, and sometimes not anonymous, trolls. If they offered just a modicum of constructive criticism scattered throughout their rants they might not appear so pitiable.

re: You made a killer mistake!

Hardly surprising once you look at the URL and notice this is the 46th story with the same, unoriginal title.

Just what she needed

a back alley, tough-talkin', gets-all-he-wants, lounge lizard Casanova.

So Unoriginal it's lame

Heard this story so many times before; no artistic talent.

More please

I have dreamed of this very thing before happening to my wife with me catching her and getting caught jerking off to them fucking then being forced into eating the cum from her well used pussy and cleaning his cock. Would love to see it take a direction like that but no matter what direction you go with it you need to keep it going

What a waste of 10 minutes.

Stupid worthless slut.