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English
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I can't wait until chapter three. The suspense is killing me. I look forward to it.
Very nice-same comment as in chapter one.
I like the way this new young author writes and I will keep an eye on him.
Shabby18, bravo on your beginnings, and thanks for the entertainment!
LeFrog
Confused
I am not quite sure what this story is about, it seems to mix 2 lines, perhaps I must wait for the next episode. The growing love story with Athena is nice.
You seem to mix He and I: either He did it or I did it but not both.
Take your time
You're doing fine I think it makes a much better story if you let it build slowly. A layer at a time before you post new chapters read the whole story from the beginning.That way you will catch inconsistencies .At the start of the story they slept in the same bedroom. In the second chapter she has her own room.A small thing but that's why you read the whole thing.I'm no writer and I believe you may well be keep going and knock it out of the park.
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