All Comments on 'Sarah's Takeover'

The sheer volume of grammatical mistakes ruined the story :( please edit and then resubmit.

The spelling errors are wrecking it, too. Her "heavily massacred eyes" ruined whatever sexual tension I may have been feeling.

swiveled = swivelled

amagining - imagining

panned = pained

shuttered?

Promising story, though, and I look forward to more.

The storyline is very promising but you need to get an editor, not having one (or if you do have one, not having a good one) has ruined the story.