Maidens and Drakels Ch. 02

Just what I needed after my day.

On first reading I thought it was a brother of Conrad’s whom we had never met that carried out the bombings. Now I’m thinking it’s the Engineer Taglights brother who lost his printing press.

I’m disappointed that May lost her virginity so early on but I love that she’s in his sister’s bedroom. You know that will give her a physiological advantage. Also the journal is a master stroke, absolutely brilliant. Now all she needs to do is read it all before the morning to use it to her advantage. Perhaps she can hide it away somewhere are keep reviewing it.

All these things mean that she should be more than capable of becoming his wife and proving to be his equal. That is what he misses most about his little sister. The responsibility of taking care of her and being matched by her.

I suspect that Sophia who was rescued may end up having a worse life than May. That said I do like a HEA story.

I look forward to the next instalment. Please don’t leave it as long this time.

Enjoyable read, very surprising twist. I wish he hadnt taken her so early on and so coldly but hey this is non con. I felt the scene could have been given a bit more detail; that said I noticed you mentioned increasing the amount of sex in the subsequent chapters, please don't feel that you have to put loads in if it impacts on the storyline. Quality over quantity and all that! All round a good second chapter, with just a few typos, looking forward to see where the plot leads. Thank you.

I am in

agreement with Maynss that you don't have to add a ton of sex just because the story is on lit. I don't mind that this story is a "slow burn" and that there is political intrigue. There is ton of stories on lit if all you are interested in reading is " banging". It is much better to read a story after the writer has taken the time to develop plot and characters, Love this chapter and can't wait for the next and May's training.

I really love this story, but I think you should make the chapters longer... I think your one of the best writers on this website😃

Yeah YOU!

I am giddy with delight. So excited to see this posted and really enjoyed the read. I am all for a slow burn when it comes to sex so long is the chapters post fast.

You get another 5 stars for Chapter 2. I will say that I enjoyed the psychological development of the first chapter and hope to see more of it in subsequent ones. Hope to see Sophia and Taglight. I, for one, think Taglight will treat Sophia well, at least I hope so, because imho she is not as brash and ballsy as May ergo less likely to survive and thrive post hardship.
Intrigued and anxious for more.

story

more twists and intrigue. anyone can point a at slot b. it takes a story teller to make it interesting. story excellent sex scene not so. come on may give him hell.

Well done! bravo!

Excellent follow up!

I simply loved this part:
"""""May blinked at he laughed at her, feigning incomprehension. Then her face lit up in understanding, "Oh I get it! Because your cock is so wonderful that I should just be dying to get it in me! That's right. So true!" She said, oozing sarcasm, "Shall I fall to my knees and worship you now?"

"There's no need for the theatrics," Conrad said, with a dry smile, "But yes, I dare say that you will quite enjoy your first time with me. But that won't be happening just yet."

May snorted. "So what are you going to do to me then, Conrad?"

"No," Conrad frowned. "-what are you going to do to me, master." He corrected.

May couldn't help herself. "There's no need to call me master, Conrad." She replied.
""""

Excellent plot intrigue, not just a sex story, though they are lovely, but filled with interesting and different characters. And I LOVE a really vile villain!

Two little nits to pick.
1. Some editing would go a long way. Didn't affect how well I enjoyed this story but it is such an excellent story it's a shame it is marred at all with double words and auto correct goofs.

2. "I hate you" is an absolutley bratty and childish thing to say, especially inappropriate from a slave to her owner, considering he doesn't give a shit about her feelings. Expressing her feelings in such a childish way only diminishes that adorable smart ass character you've painted. Smart ass yes, daring prankster yes, childish brat no!

Sex scene was far too rushed and lacked elements of domination, submission, erotic touching, reluctance... I really wish you could undo that scene and write a better one for her first sexual encounter. Frankly, I think you should have left her without orgasm entirely, yet slightly aroused. Then the following sex scene would have included her climax.

I hope these nits don't hurt your feelings because I honestly LOVE this story and think you are doing a GREAT job!

There's plenty of stories on lit with that slow burn, demonic submission, is just one. I think personally too much sex takes away from the story. Wtg on a great chapter can't wait for more

What an amazing story

Oh my god I love this story. One of the best on here ever. If you decide to publish I would buy the book in a heartbeat. Quit your day job! Just write!

great chapter

Good work on the storyline. the buildup makes it far more interesting than if it was just straight sex scenes. The only thing you may want to do is correct the few minor grammatical and spelling errors throughout the story. Keep up the great writing!

Well done, grasshopper.

You have kept up a high quality of story telling.

You have solidified May's spunk ( no, not that kind, you perverts) and bravery. I will disagree with the opinion that saying "I hate you." was childish. Sometimes witty repartee is just beyond a person and the most basic of things need to be said.

Conrad seems much more complicated that he did at first glance. He's a snarky SOB who can rape with teasing and tenderness. We are left as unsure about him as May is. Edward will be a hoot. Politics, backstabbing, intrigue, revenge and passion. The plate overflows.

yes!!!

so happy you are updating. now off to read the this next chapter in your fantastic saga. :)

a high quality with some smut of course ;)

sex is great in stories but it isn't everything. so don't worry overly much about how much sex is included in your chapters. just tell a good story and the sex will follow. quality over quantity is a good rule of thumb. moreover, there are a lot of stories on lit that are full of sex, but don't have much substance, leaving a reader unsatisfied. the stories that seem to rate the highest are ones that put the story first and let the sex follow at a normal pace for said story.

you are doing an excellent job so far and at this point I was not expecting a too much sex being as the story is still in the set up stage. however, I hope you will not go over board with sexing for the characters that you lose the depth of the story and the characters. its all about balance.

Complex characters and story

Great start to your series. You have created a unique world and filled it with intrigue and several interesting characters. I agree with a previous reviewer who noted your minor grammatical errors - please correct these at some point. Otherwise, you seem to have a natural talent for writing; please continue! Sexiness comes mostly from the context and the character situations, not strict scenes. You are on the right track - can't wait to see more.

Hell I don't know him

and I want him blown up...

Great twist very surprising, yes the sex scene was good but it could have been so much more especially w/her being a virgin. I get that he just needed release but could have done a bit different, hell even oral though w/her behavior I would be scared to use her mouth. Hope that the diary does not get over looked and is read b/4 she is removed from the room. Unless you are planning another twist where 6months later she is to use that room again and gets to read it but it is to late for what she should have already known.

Beyond a Wham, Bam...

Having read your previous installment, I will admit that I hummed in pleasure when I noticed part two was up this afternoon. Even though your pieces weren't heavy on the actual sex, they still spoke to the soundness and power of your writing. Do not mistake a lack of sex for a boring story; you have the gift of building your characters and relationships so that the sex scenes (when they come) are all the more powerful. I agree with an above writer about revising for more of a reaction from May (I find it hard to believe that she would offer so little resistance).
Anyways, I love the premise and can't wait to read more.

Work In progress

So how are we going on the next installment? If we could have a status update to let us know that you are either busy with life and taking a break or hard at work writing the next chapter.

If you have writers black then please let us know.

M&D is a great story.

Hey. Hope you are o.k. Just wanted to encourage you to keep going with the story. I love it! If you could give us a status update that would the great. This story is one of my favorites on here.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Chapters 3 & 4 will be finished in a few days. I'm going to be releasing them within a week or so of each other, and hopefully have Chapter 5 done by the time they're both out. That way, people won't have to wait too long between installments of Maidens and Drakels.

I never got around to replying to the comments this time because I was on vacation when this story was published, but a belated thank you for all the praise, love, and constructive criticism you gave me. I know I'm not the best writer on this site, but I'm glad you think I'm worth your time and comments. I get a lot of praise for my characters and plot in particular, which is fantastic. I'm going to have to work on my sex scenes though... and I've attempted to do better in Chapter 3.

Part of the reason I take so long to write a chapter is that I can't find an editor, and I sometimes get stuck when I don't have someone to talk to. I know my work is riddled with errors that I never manage to catch until after I've uploaded, so I'd like to put a stop to that. The difficulty is finding someone who is willing to read and ENJOY tales of non-consent that might be anywhere from sick and twisted to sweet and loving. Plus I don't want someone with too much professional experience (there's no way I'd risk sending my crappy chapters to a professor of English Literature) and I want someone who will both discuss the plot with me AND fix up all the untidy little errors I leave behind.

Anyways, you don't know how much it inspires me when I get a comment from someone (weeks after I've posted anything!) asking me to write more. It's such an ego-boost! ;) Plus it makes me feel a little bit guilty...

Thanks a lot!

Magic im sure one of ur loyal readers would help u out plust there is a section on the forums that have editers i think. So glad there is more to come.

Magicsplash

Check your email. :)

Fantastic story!

I agree with previous commenters about the "less is more" approach on the sex. I love dark and vile protagonists with a teensy bit of empathy and so far Conrad seems to fit the bill. May's sarcasm is perfec t and I can't wait to see where you take the story! Keep up the good work.

MAGICSPLASH

Are you still there?

Could we have a status update please? How is chapter 3 progressing? are you on holiday etc?

Thanks

Maaaaaagggggiiiiic?

Please come back and post more of this wonderful story?

Please don't leave us...

... we need you! This story has developed so wonderfully, please continue! I hope you're well and (more selfishly) that life hasn't thrown too many obstacles in the way of you writing. I look forward to the next instalment!

I love this!

It's very well written. i can't wait to find out what happens next!

What happen?

In an earlier posting you said that you were almost finished with chapters 3&4 and was going to post them within a week of each other. This was back on 8/21?

Looking forward to the next chapter

You're still on my "favorites" list, so I hope you are back online soon! This is a very inventive world that you've developed. I'd love to read more.

Great Story/Start

Loving your story!!! I really hope you come back, don't feel like you've not had enough sex, the best stories are the ones that have more than just sex... :) Character development rules the day.

Please...

Please don't leave us. =(

continue please..

Your story is definitely well writte . Please consider continuing it.

Maidens & Drakel Chapter 2

I only stumbled on your chapter 2 by chance. I am thinking of writing a steampunk story ands wondered what an erotic version might be like. I think you were very successful at setting the scene without resorting to a dump of information. I also think this was a page turner. I certainly would like to know what happens next. Excellent. Jolly well done.

Surprised

I was surprised with this steam punk story on Literotica! I certainly like the settings. I would love more dialogue between the two of them, but I understand, there is a need to build a world first.
I was expecting the culprit to be young man from the auction house, BUT you got me there!