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My New Neighbor Ch. 04

byrandomer555©
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by Anonymous

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by FA_JF07/15/13

That's the contract? I don't think that was a piece of paper. I think that was written on the back of a used envelope.

The dialogue and action are stilted. It seems like you are devolving into a checklist of things to include. I don't feel any connection between them, not even simple lust. There needs to be some way for us to experience desire, passion, frustration of denial, painful pleasure or pleasurable pain, and satisfaction through them. You are missing the Dr. Phil elements. Why is this happening? What are they feeling? What are they getting out of this?

Please do keep writing. Writing strengthens with practice.

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by Anonymous07/15/13

Tease..

I was barley getting into the story.... I crave more. Very good read keep on writing and I'll keep on reading :-)

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by randomer55507/15/13

Unfortunately correct

FA- I have run out of steam and ideas for this series. I am going to take a break before writing the next chapter and try to plan it out.

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Next part

.

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