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English
Worse
No more.
betrayedbylove comment
Cant be considered a review at all. Its just a very rude comment. Don't be put off by it please.
As far as this 'story' or 'chapter' goes I cant really call it either. It is way too short to be considered either. At most it is just a thought put into words.
What was the beginning section of this chapter and what idea did you want to convey with the beginning section of it?
What was the middle section of this chapter and what idea did you wish to convey there and yes it has to be different than the beginning part to further along the chapter?
Finally what was the climax of this chapter and the completely different idea you wished to convey there?
True all the completely different ideas can correlate to each other but they must progress to for a cohesive progression of the story behind the chapter. I feel like I just gave a lecture on basic writing but you need this.
In truth this installment could have easily been part of the previous chapter and it should have been. Perhaps instead of just putting up stuff as it comes to you you might be better off till you have a more complete story before you post it. Just a thought.
Not too late to improve...
...but this "second part" was way too short to be considered. How about taking your time and rather complete one chapter every 3 days instead of rushing to get half a page published? And p l e a s e:
Don´t let this turn up to be another wimpy cuckold-story; We´ve got too many already here on "Wimperotica".
She is certainly a girl in need of a real man.
I hope to see more soon.
Thanks for the read
Johnstang2
I hear what your saying, thank you kind sir.
EgoTrixi
Thanks for the feedback, I submitted them all at the same time didn't know this would take long. I understand why, editors must be busy. Hopefully Pt3 is approved soon.
Rich
Thank You :)
Age and experience
Sweetie seems to have been about 20 1/2 years old when her daughter was born. That puts her at mid to late 19 when she got pregnant. We are not told details about her sexual experience prior to that point. Probably safe to assume she did NOT get knocked up on her first 'outing' (or is that 'in-ing'?) Again we are forced to assume (since it is not mentioned) that the 'Baby Daddy' didn't last much past the daughter's birth (if that long!) That leaves Sweetie on the 'open market' for a year...although she probably had a lot on her plate as a new Mommy! (But Sweetie also has a super-high libido!) Do we really believe she didn't manage to get her ashes hauled AT ALL during the year before she met a hubby? Six months later, they get married...she never offered to siphon his tank during that interim? After three years of marriage, all of a sudden she finds herself unable to NOT suck every dick available! Then she swallows FOR THE FIRST TIME??? How did she manage to waste all those prior opportunities? I am fairly sure that if a 19 yr old HOTTIE had shown ANY interest in giving guys hum jobs when I was a late teen, she would have had a line outside her place 24/7! Many of those Horn Dogs leaving by the back door would come around to get in line again!
Please learn to distinguish 'proper' names, such as "In & Out Burgers" somehow. Capitalization de rigeur! It is NOT a national fast food chain! Serious need to get editing help!
Re: age and experience
I understand I left things unsaid which hurts the story's street cred. So I guess the part I left out is how she matured into wanting these things over time and her "Man" had more conservative views, she had started off trying to spice things up and add a little more to their sex life only to be told that these things were wrong and not going to occur. This provided her the option of being a slut and throwing herself at men. Not her only option but the one she chose. Make no mistake I'm not trying to paint her with wings on.
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