"I COULD FEEL A PASSION WITHIN HIM AS HE KISSED ME."
The individual perspectives work well in this situation. There is now a platform for the thoughts of Carter and Aiden to have complete clarity. First of all, I love the entire chapter. I thought 'The Lie' paragraph was particularly poignant.
by
Anonymous07/17/13
Great -- keep it going
The story is very touching, and now that Aiden has settled down and returned his brother's kiss, it seems we are ready for the next level -- whenever mom and dad vacate the premises. I still imagine Carter with some dark chest hair; after all, he is the older and more mature brother.
by
Anonymous07/20/13
I cant wait for the next chapter!
by
Anonymous08/05/13
Constructive criticism
Awesome story so far! I love the honesty between the brothers ( finally ) and the love, respect and tenderness Carter feels for Aiden. Just one little critique if I may... The dialogue between them is too formal and a little stilted. The way that they use each other's names at the beginning of every statement, and the dialogue is a little on the dramatic side. It feels like I'm reading a script for a drama. Just a little choreographed. Just let it flow a little better. Picture an actual conversation you would have with someone, and the flow and cadence of it, and go with that. Otherwise, Totally Awesome!
English
need more!
Good! Keep going!
"I COULD FEEL A PASSION WITHIN HIM AS HE KISSED ME."
The individual perspectives work well in this situation. There is now a platform for the thoughts of Carter and Aiden to have complete clarity. First of all, I love the entire chapter. I thought 'The Lie' paragraph was particularly poignant.
Great -- keep it going
The story is very touching, and now that Aiden has settled down and returned his brother's kiss, it seems we are ready for the next level -- whenever mom and dad vacate the premises. I still imagine Carter with some dark chest hair; after all, he is the older and more mature brother.
I cant wait for the next chapter!
Constructive criticism
Awesome story so far! I love the honesty between the brothers ( finally ) and the love, respect and tenderness Carter feels for Aiden. Just one little critique if I may... The dialogue between them is too formal and a little stilted. The way that they use each other's names at the beginning of every statement, and the dialogue is a little on the dramatic side. It feels like I'm reading a script for a drama. Just a little choreographed. Just let it flow a little better. Picture an actual conversation you would have with someone, and the flow and cadence of it, and go with that. Otherwise, Totally Awesome!
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