- All
Comments (5) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
shocking argument
for vegetarian diet
very well done ! you have a great talent for perspective
Good work
and I think the addition of "psychobabble" does help clarify for me what is happening in the poem. I might have taken some poetic license and written it as "psycho babble" with that space there to make the point even stronger, but that's a matter of preference, perhaps.
It's pretty shocking stuff, almost too shocking to read, but in a poem that's a very good thing imo.
I'm still unclear on the title and I think that's the only weak link in the poem. The title doesn't say anything meaningful to me about what follows.
Just my opinion, of course, and like I said you are a natural!
comments elsewhere
still object to
Psychobabble
5ed
I did try and edit it
as butters suggested, however it went of into the realms of truly macarbe and I doubt that it would have been accepted as I had changed it to. because it was so personal I had a lot of trouble trying to edit it down, I sat on it for a couple of days but just couldn't touch it. it seemed complete to me. Please do no take that as indicative to me no listening to critique, but more that I didn't know what else to do with this poem
About the title
A broken jaw that bad you can't smile.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The smile of breaking or
More submissions by todski28.