by Desiremakesmeweak
by the quality of the writing. I didn't give a score because I thought I would be unfair. I was unable to read past the second paragraph because this writer seems to think $10 words are better than a well-written sentence.
I love it. The restraint is fantastic, and the characters are classy... Very sexy. Nothing is more of a distraction and turn off than trash talk, misspellings, typos, and bad grammar and this article contains none. And well done for respecting your female characters. I particularly love the reference to a 'bikini line' as opposed to the (in my opinion) brassy and trashy baldness, brazilians and landing strips of other stories on this website, it conveys a sense of restraint and teasing that is so titillating. Excellent!!
Loved it. Hope to read more about the progression of their attraction to each other.
Some of the comments below are a bit harsh, but nevertheless they have a point—interesting premise, but not much beyond that. You should probably try finding an editor next time.
I deliberately cut back on a lot of things because I have this view that readers today have limited time, limited patience, and really, they have seen/read so (many movies, usually!) much that there is danger of being 'too' repetitive. But - I have also come to the view that this particular format/venue also forces you to be more direct and effective, I think. People can 'paint in' the unstated things themselves too, because nowadays they are relatively widely read. As for style and $10 words, that's just me; it's the way I think/write/am. I still appreciate those who are much more down-to-earth in their styles and read those stories myself...
Er, I think that the quoted lyric line should actually read: "We watch the CLIP all day,"
not 'cliff!' ...if I go by the actual song.
Distractingly bad grammar. And cars don't "lean in acquiescently". Good for you for taking the risk to write. With some training you could be good.
As the ad says: 'It isn't a car; it's a Rolls Royce!'
Thank you all so much for commenting - taking the time to post your comment; I appreciate ALL the comments, including those that are making some criticisms. I certainly note the criticisms and consider in what ways these points can be adjusted depending on a variety of things - I suppose for most writers these days, the most significant one being that we mostly don't or hardly ever get paid and therefore have limited time to devote fully.