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English
That was hot
what a hot story loved every minute of it well done. Would have liked to see his ex being hit by a truck as she & his ex friend left but hey that's just me!
Well writ; innerestink 'emotional repair'
and, as the gent from Down Under said, HOT!.
I did, however, take issue with Bob's response to Jean's question, "have I helped you get over Lisa?"
Obviously the lad was a bit slow. He should have responded, "I can tell it's beginning to work. Maybe another....oh.... twenty or twenty-five more tumbles to get her completely gone..."
:)
Never one to pass up an opportunity,
B
she did him a favor
sometimes things work out in the most curious ways, and he's so aware at how happy he can be w/o lisa. the next chapter, dave's not the dream she thought and the fantasy goes tohell, she wants to come back and he says NO
Well its nine years later, wheres the rest?
?????????????
First draft
This submission seems to be what happens when an author has a fantasy, sits down with a beer (or more) and writes it up then sends it in!
Nothing is offered as to why Lisa might jump on the couch with her BFs best bud right after a righteous rogering! We know nothing about Lisa except for her climactic utterances; and we never will, except that our Hero liked her enough to want to ask her to marry him when she comes back to bed (oops!)
Then he is saved from a binge problem by a buddy with a hot-looking wife. She agrees to fuck Lisa out of his mind. Why is she interested in this chore? Again, not for us to know, except that it works, probably, at least partly, because her orgasmic vocalizations are similar to Lisa's!
Coulda been a lot better if Build would have re-read his story a day or two after the beers wore off! Critically!!! Then let his faithful readers know some of what he knows about these characters, so we can understand the magnitude of our Hero's loss!
OK Story - Hard to Read
Why, you ask? Here's a typical sentence: "I sure hope your felling better after what Lisa did too you." Three distracting mistakes: you're - not your, feeling - not felling, to - not too. Get an editor.
You NEVER
screw over your best friend, or even a so-so friend.
So every 5-10 years you finisch o n e page...
...and have the nerve to call yourself an author??
I´ll tell you that in my humble opinion you are....(to be continued 2025)
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