The Lust of A Wolf Ch. 01

Not bad, but....

While your writing isn't bad, it is abundantly clear that you need an editor or at the very least a proof reader. You have a tendency to keep switching tenses while your writing, which makes it difficult to read and follow along. Also, it is very difficult to tell a story in the first person. I think you'd be better off working in the third person. It really is a better way to tell a story.

Other than that, I think your storyline has some interesting potential, and if you work on your writing style and get together with someone that can help you along and perhaps make suggestions I think you might have a story that would make for good reading.

Agree with previous comment

There is potential here but there are a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes which pulls the reader out of the story. Also think you might do better in 3rd person but if you really want to write a 1st person pov definitely need an editor

It is abundantly clear that you NEED an editor, your story has so much potential, and it's not small mistakes, the whole thing needs help to make it so much better. 3 stars simply because I think you should keep writing, BUT get an editor.

Interesting

Not a bad start will be interested to see where it goes.

Interesting start

You have me wondering, if not mate who is she to the alpha?

Writing gets stronger with practice. It may be helpful to look through the Writer's Resources section. There are many good articles written by Lit authors for Lit authors on improving your writing. These aren't the dry lectures you got in high school English. There is a bounty of technical/grammar help as well as character/plot development.

Look forward to more of the story.

A good start and

an interesting twist with her not being the mate (or him not recognizing her as his mate). It would be better with an editor as there were quite a few misplaced words, spelling errors and switches between past and present tense.

I'm interested to see where you take it, though. Keep writing!

This a decent start

This story is good but you definitely need an editor. There were spelling and grammatical errors. A good editor will make this story really shine.

I am interested in reading the next chapter.

great start

my thinking is she's an unknown sister of the alpha and a beta is her mate while a friend of hers is the mate of the alpha. but that's just my guess. :) hope to see more chapters.

You need an editor, it can make a good story great.

Great start and yes as others have said an editor will be a great help. keep writing.

A good start

Your story has pace and a reasonable storyline. It is spoilt by changes in tense, some clumsy dialogue and an over-attachment to adverbs. Keep writing but find an editor before you post. You could also benefit from a writer's group who can give you constructive feedback while you are still in the first draft stage. Of course it all depends how much you want to grow as a writer, rather than how much you want to share your stories with the world.

Like it!

Just spell check and make sure you use proper punctuation :D Please write more!

Thanks

Thanks guys. I really don't know how I would go about finding an editor because it seems to be a very long drawn out process. BTW Google doesn't know how to spell :( Trust me the next chapter is going to rock your socks. I got so excited trying the map out my thinking process. I tend to switch tenses in my mind when I am writing sorry bout that. Hope you guys keep in touch though because we are in for a ride. :)

~CAM

good job

Keep going it is a great story next chapter soon please :-) :-)

Great start

Great start, looking forward to more

awesome!

I like it :)
More please... Update soon :)

Good start,,,

A very good start,hope you keep them coming at a regular pace and a little bit longer chapters would be very nice as well,,,

loved it

whens the next chapter

Good start

Good start to an interesting story but I suggest you get an editor. You switch between past and present tense a lot and its a bit distracting to jump back and forth and then process what you really mean.

want more

Great start keep going with it.

This is amazing.

I love this! More please! ASAP! I love it!

Great story so far, small grammar and spelling errors shouldn't be an issue! My only request is make the chapters longer please! =)

Good but can improve

The plot is pretty good and enjoyable, but aside from grammar and spelling mistakes, you switched tenses alot (present, past, future,). Also, I would work on your phrasing and sentence order. Some of the story was choppy and thus gave off an unrelatable and detached vibe. But you've got something good going. Keep it up! : D

Can't wait for the next part

ANYMORE????

So you posted once in july/12,and once again in july/13,,,,so is it going to be another year before the nextt ime you post??????Seems to be a pattern here....

I can understand rushing through reading over your writing. I hope you do slow down and edit more carefully. I enjoy the story line and look forward to reading further.

interesting

i'm not sure where you're going with this...his reaction seems like more of a brother than a mate but I found it through ch. 2 which the descrip seems like she's a mate...guess I have to see. I only would have added soemthing about betas blocking the alley's opening in the event that her scream was heard by a human. I also laughed when you said a Camero took 3 weres home and a girl lying down. If the guys turns into a wolf the size of a couch and is alpha, I'd assume he's a big guy who wouldn't fit in the back seat of a camero? but that is a minor detail. I'd recommend a beta reader as you go forward. they can read through and catch small details and continuity issues, etc. The authors who started here and some of whom still post here and who are now published many times over have several each. Betas (no pun intended :) can be a strength to a writer, as important as an editor. Some do both. Good luck!