Your story needs work first you should find someone to edit your stories and proof read. Then read some of the other stories find the ones you like and ask the author for some advice the most they cane say is no . Please keep writing and don't be afraid to ask for help from some one more experienced .
by
Anonymous07/25/13
Good advice from the previous reader's comments.
Sorry, I could only give two stars because of the poor condition of your writing.
Take the advice and try harder with your next submittal.
You criticize for poor editing and you can't write a sentence with correct punctuation or correct word choice. Look at your own writing before you jump on someone else.
Okay,maybe the story could use some editing but it was a great story! Loved the story line and how you drew out the passion and conflict. Cannot wait for the next chapter! Good job!
I thoroughly enjoyed this first chapter of your story, and I think you have done a fine job of building a storyline that could stay interesting for awhile.
About the grammar; I read the comments before hand, and I was expecting it to be worse that it actually was. It was more than reasonable for your first story, and I believe that a quick edit of your content before you post would solve any lingering questions.
Overall, great job! I am looking forward to more from this story.
by
Anonymous07/25/13
Good Story
The story was good. I say that cause it had me aroused and I read it through, not seeing errors. If I were to read it again, I am sure I would see errors. It was a good story and you did a good job holding the readers interest.
It takes quite a bit more effort than a quick read through before posting. Editing takes a bit of practice. It takes a lot more to write stories that don't need editing. one author once told me to read the story backward so you will slow down enough to see each and every word. It might seem nit picky to spend time trying to get every word perfect, but every spelling and grammar error throws the reader right out of the story trance. During that time you have lost control of him. he can go get coffee and might glance at the TV. Something might catch his interest and you may not get him back.
there are some very good volunteer editors on this site. You need some help from one of them. just ask. You'll be glad you did.
That's because you did a great job plus wrote a turn-on erotic story.Checked your profile which listed you as one of the greatest things in this world-- a bi-female. You are to young too know nothing turns a man on than a bi-female.My wife,Joan,is bi,maybe I should say was Bi since she hasn't been with a woman since college.She and her room-mate Cindy enjoyed each other,more like Joan was submissive to everything Cindy wanted.The only problem I have with that is it all happened before I met Joan.So I never got to watch Joan eat pussy,never got to kiss her after tasting Cindy on her mouth,lips and tongue,Joan told me about Cindy 2 weeks after I asked her to marry me thinking it might change my mind,all it did was make me love her more knowing she was what I wanted and needed.Over the years she has told me in great detail all about those magnificent times with Cindy,it never fails to excite both of us talking about it.I hope you write about the things you know best, turning on both your male and female readers,women who are curious,men who dream of watching their wife with another woman. Again this story was great for it being your first but it's best to write about things you know plus your fantasies, like do mom next. That w/b a huge turn-on for dad to watch you both enjoy each other. LT. .
You wrote the story the way you wanted it to read. Good for you, that's the way it should be. Despite the few flaws I didn't have any trouble concentrating on the storyline, I never got confused and for sure never bored. What I really liked was the sexual interaction didn't remotely go over the top. Masturbation, kissing, blowjob involving only two characters kept it all really nice and simple. Also leaves lots of room for expansion if it suits you, or it's a good stand alone story as is. I think you're a very promising talent and I look forward to future contributions. From the comments it appears others agree with me.
All my best, max052
by
Anonymous07/28/13
I liked the story. Though, from the title, I thought some Leatherface hillbillies were going to kidnap the family and force them in to crazy sex.
Thank you so much for your kind comments. As I said, I am new to this, just have a wild imagination! Will be writing some more soon once i get my thoughts in my crazy brain in order!xx
by
Anonymous08/26/13
Great start..
Great story. It was much better than a lot of first stories that I've read. Keep up the good work!
I read and commented on your second story last night then decided to find and read your first. You have improved the mechanics with the second effort. I didn't notice nearly as many problems as this story has. Before I say anything critical let me assure you the story line is very good and I love the way you have Libby and Dad ease into the relationship rather than wam! bam! drop your drawers and thank you madam. I must admit I have fell into that trap myself.
Story #2 was an improvement in many ways, but I see the problems with tense are deep seated and you still need to improve the proof-read. Looking forward to #3.
English
Needs work
Your story needs work first you should find someone to edit your stories and proof read. Then read some of the other stories find the ones you like and ask the author for some advice the most they cane say is no . Please keep writing and don't be afraid to ask for help from some one more experienced .
Good advice from the previous reader's comments.
Sorry, I could only give two stars because of the poor condition of your writing.
Take the advice and try harder with your next submittal.
Dutch, you should take you own advice.
You criticize for poor editing and you can't write a sentence with correct punctuation or correct word choice. Look at your own writing before you jump on someone else.
Pretty good first attempt...
As a first attempt? Not bad at all.
My first advice would be to be careful with past and present tenses.
A bit more editing would have caught that, I'm sure...
But over all? I've certainly read worse here... It's got promise.
Loved it!
Okay,maybe the story could use some editing but it was a great story! Loved the story line and how you drew out the passion and conflict. Cannot wait for the next chapter! Good job!
Great start!
I thoroughly enjoyed this first chapter of your story, and I think you have done a fine job of building a storyline that could stay interesting for awhile.
About the grammar; I read the comments before hand, and I was expecting it to be worse that it actually was. It was more than reasonable for your first story, and I believe that a quick edit of your content before you post would solve any lingering questions.
Overall, great job! I am looking forward to more from this story.
Good Story
The story was good. I say that cause it had me aroused and I read it through, not seeing errors. If I were to read it again, I am sure I would see errors. It was a good story and you did a good job holding the readers interest.
Good start. I love daddy/daughter stories so you had me interested. Looking forward to what they get into next.
A great start, I think! Keep the tempo up.
Nice
Great start. Keep it up.
Good start!
It takes quite a bit more effort than a quick read through before posting. Editing takes a bit of practice. It takes a lot more to write stories that don't need editing. one author once told me to read the story backward so you will slow down enough to see each and every word. It might seem nit picky to spend time trying to get every word perfect, but every spelling and grammar error throws the reader right out of the story trance. During that time you have lost control of him. he can go get coffee and might glance at the TV. Something might catch his interest and you may not get him back.
there are some very good volunteer editors on this site. You need some help from one of them. just ask. You'll be glad you did.
Everybody enjoyed your first story.
That's because you did a great job plus wrote a turn-on erotic story.Checked your profile which listed you as one of the greatest things in this world-- a bi-female. You are to young too know nothing turns a man on than a bi-female.My wife,Joan,is bi,maybe I should say was Bi since she hasn't been with a woman since college.She and her room-mate Cindy enjoyed each other,more like Joan was submissive to everything Cindy wanted.The only problem I have with that is it all happened before I met Joan.So I never got to watch Joan eat pussy,never got to kiss her after tasting Cindy on her mouth,lips and tongue,Joan told me about Cindy 2 weeks after I asked her to marry me thinking it might change my mind,all it did was make me love her more knowing she was what I wanted and needed.Over the years she has told me in great detail all about those magnificent times with Cindy,it never fails to excite both of us talking about it.I hope you write about the things you know best, turning on both your male and female readers,women who are curious,men who dream of watching their wife with another woman. Again this story was great for it being your first but it's best to write about things you know plus your fantasies, like do mom next. That w/b a huge turn-on for dad to watch you both enjoy each other. LT. .
Damn good
You wrote the story the way you wanted it to read. Good for you, that's the way it should be. Despite the few flaws I didn't have any trouble concentrating on the storyline, I never got confused and for sure never bored. What I really liked was the sexual interaction didn't remotely go over the top. Masturbation, kissing, blowjob involving only two characters kept it all really nice and simple. Also leaves lots of room for expansion if it suits you, or it's a good stand alone story as is. I think you're a very promising talent and I look forward to future contributions. From the comments it appears others agree with me.
All my best, max052
I liked the story. Though, from the title, I thought some Leatherface hillbillies were going to kidnap the family and force them in to crazy sex.
Thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind comments. As I said, I am new to this, just have a wild imagination! Will be writing some more soon once i get my thoughts in my crazy brain in order!xx
Great start..
Great story. It was much better than a lot of first stories that I've read. Keep up the good work!
ENJOYED IT!
I read and commented on your second story last night then decided to find and read your first. You have improved the mechanics with the second effort. I didn't notice nearly as many problems as this story has. Before I say anything critical let me assure you the story line is very good and I love the way you have Libby and Dad ease into the relationship rather than wam! bam! drop your drawers and thank you madam. I must admit I have fell into that trap myself.
Story #2 was an improvement in many ways, but I see the problems with tense are deep seated and you still need to improve the proof-read. Looking forward to #3.
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