the conversations were awkward because it was too hard to tell who was saying what and what sex the characters were. this needs a total rewrite by a GOOD WRITER THAT USES A GOOD EDITOR. this also should have had the same title as the rest of the series only a hack would give it a different title.
by
Anonymous07/26/13
Not good either
I got tired of the back and forth jabbering crap and scanned down only to find more. Delete this and start over.
by
Anonymous07/27/13
not bad
interesting coversation... the dialogue is well rendered. probably need a little more exposition - you know shifting weight, hand gestures, looking out over whatever there is to see, stirring coffee spoon - stuff to ground the action - and certainly the definition of a hack isn't someone who use more than one title...
I agree with others, it was too confusing to follow. I would go back and still couldn't tell who was saying what. Needs a rewrite, but I also agree that it could use more emotion in the conversation. I also don't think it went anywhere. There really wasn't much of a story here. Poor, please try again.
by
Anonymous07/27/13
Garbage
Self-indulgent, incomprehensible claptrap, the equivalent of the author (and I use that term advisedly) masturbating in public, or a toddler holding up a potty to show what a nice dump they did. This is pure, unalloyed, waste-of-time writing, why didn't the author spend their time doing something useful instead of wasting my time and a part of my life I will never get back?
After reading the original story. Following the code they were brushing the top of not being too specific in case worked well I thought. I have talked in code not saying oral sex or intercourse and so It was not that hard for me to follow.
That is a useful comment, and I will keep it in mind.
As to the stalkers' comments, they are kind of a backhanded compliment. Authors can immediately have them deleted, but everyone has a right to his own opinion. I find it rather specious to claim that a dialogue of two persons is difficult to follow, but as in real life, if one is concentrating on denigrating one party in a conversation, one loses track of what's being said.
Although the title and description were very clear, perhaps false expectations were aroused by the story's being listed by the powers-that-be as "incest/taboo." It was submitted as "non-erotic" and probably would not have disappointed people who found it there.
Incidentally, the backstory has been read by slightly more persons than the 11,000+ who have clicked on the last chapter. Apparently many of them, like Unicorn64, had no problem following the conversation.
by
Anonymous07/29/13
Different
Well, that was different! I didn't find it confusing to follow, unlike the other Anonymous reader who had a choice and decided to waste his/her time reading it all. Good to read a story that doesn't just follow the usual trend.
Re: "Garbage" I can't imagine how someone could "force" anybody to read something posted here. The writing was fairly consistent, so you didn't have to "waste your time" reading all of it. The dialog is actually easier to follow than in the original series. I honestly don't follow your comment about "masturbating in public" etc. If your complaint is that the author is essentially recounting a previous story from a different perspective, I've encountered several published works where that's done (and the different perspective adds depth to the story). The only thing that really doesn't surprise me is that you posted your note anonymously.
I started reading this expecting it to be a prequel to "Birthday present," recounting the sisters' discussion (I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that - with parts that the younger sister didn't mention).
English
not good
the conversations were awkward because it was too hard to tell who was saying what and what sex the characters were. this needs a total rewrite by a GOOD WRITER THAT USES A GOOD EDITOR. this also should have had the same title as the rest of the series only a hack would give it a different title.
Not good either
I got tired of the back and forth jabbering crap and scanned down only to find more. Delete this and start over.
not bad
interesting coversation... the dialogue is well rendered. probably need a little more exposition - you know shifting weight, hand gestures, looking out over whatever there is to see, stirring coffee spoon - stuff to ground the action - and certainly the definition of a hack isn't someone who use more than one title...
Confused
I agree with others, it was too confusing to follow. I would go back and still couldn't tell who was saying what. Needs a rewrite, but I also agree that it could use more emotion in the conversation. I also don't think it went anywhere. There really wasn't much of a story here. Poor, please try again.
Garbage
Self-indulgent, incomprehensible claptrap, the equivalent of the author (and I use that term advisedly) masturbating in public, or a toddler holding up a potty to show what a nice dump they did. This is pure, unalloyed, waste-of-time writing, why didn't the author spend their time doing something useful instead of wasting my time and a part of my life I will never get back?
After reading the original story. Following the code they were brushing the top of not being too specific in case worked well I thought. I have talked in code not saying oral sex or intercourse and so It was not that hard for me to follow.
Re: "not bad"
That is a useful comment, and I will keep it in mind.
As to the stalkers' comments, they are kind of a backhanded compliment. Authors can immediately have them deleted, but everyone has a right to his own opinion. I find it rather specious to claim that a dialogue of two persons is difficult to follow, but as in real life, if one is concentrating on denigrating one party in a conversation, one loses track of what's being said.
Although the title and description were very clear, perhaps false expectations were aroused by the story's being listed by the powers-that-be as "incest/taboo." It was submitted as "non-erotic" and probably would not have disappointed people who found it there.
Incidentally, the backstory has been read by slightly more persons than the 11,000+ who have clicked on the last chapter. Apparently many of them, like Unicorn64, had no problem following the conversation.
Different
Well, that was different! I didn't find it confusing to follow, unlike the other Anonymous reader who had a choice and decided to waste his/her time reading it all. Good to read a story that doesn't just follow the usual trend.
Re: "Garbage"
Re: "Garbage" I can't imagine how someone could "force" anybody to read something posted here. The writing was fairly consistent, so you didn't have to "waste your time" reading all of it. The dialog is actually easier to follow than in the original series. I honestly don't follow your comment about "masturbating in public" etc. If your complaint is that the author is essentially recounting a previous story from a different perspective, I've encountered several published works where that's done (and the different perspective adds depth to the story). The only thing that really doesn't surprise me is that you posted your note anonymously.
I started reading this expecting it to be a prequel to "Birthday present," recounting the sisters' discussion (I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that - with parts that the younger sister didn't mention).
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