A Gift From The Stars Ch. 02

Nice!!!

Good 2nd chapter can't wait to see what happens next.

your story has got promise......but he is turning into a power mad psycho........*shrug* .... ur tale......2.5/5

Too Abrupt

There was a way too abrupt a transition from the shy, isolated guy in chapter 1 to the power mad sex fiend of this chapter. We know how your protagonist got his power, but there could have been more narrative/explanation of how and why he used it like he did.

worthless

Went from being a 'story' to being an adolescent wanker fantasy about an abusive asshole.

slow down a bit before you ruin a good story line. worst part of it is your making him to be a power driven cruel mean ass punk to the women. but I'd love to see 2-3 or more full pages so A person could get into the story.

Better pacing and plot

A sex story yes but you need to slow down and plan where the story is going. Get a plot of sorts first. Plan what you want to happen and when. Also some background soon on exactly HOW these powers manifested in him.
I would suggest he not change from what he was, a fairly decent person.

started good in chapter 1, then it all fell to pieces.
the use of powers is too complete, too easy, and his actions are just wrong.

i think the story can still be saved.. but only if you got a good plot in your mind that this can transform into

I gave u 2 *

Went from a good start in chapter 1 to a chapter i now wish i would not of read . Take the advice from the others and learn from them . You can save things by simply having this chapter as a dream state type thing after he was pumped up with his new powers from the ufo , or don't listen and just have another messed up story that no one will read or leaves shitty comments .

Story Still Has Potential

As others have so kindly pointed out you had a good build in the first story and it fell short of its target in the second.
Like for example, the device. He obviously still has it. What is it. I also became a tad confused with time frames. In the previous story you mentioned a year had taken place where he had 'begun' to notice changes. In this story, if the year had transpired he would be fully aware of those changes working on the context of above storyline.
So, the story does still have potential. You just need to make sure it flows. You introduced themes in the first story like the device, him noticing the changes, his new nickname (which sounded like people were no longer picking on him maybe??!!) - you need to build these themes.
Good luck. I will keep an eye out for further submissions.

keep it going

Loved it, keep it going.

Awesome

Awesome do listen keep writing it was really good top marks

Didn't mind the anal, but you lost me with the A to M. Almost threw up at the suggestion that it was the sweetest shit they had eaten and they would enjoy it on any mans dick. DAMN

It's Mind Control

Under mind control, you can get individuals to tolerate anything that doesn't inflict too much pain. This story was a little far out but I enjoyed it. Looking forward to your next chapter.

I loved it. I know it is far fetched but I believe in UFOs and aliens. I just want to meet one some day. Maybe they would heal me so I could orgasm normally. LOL.

More is Cumming, Right?

Great story so far, with lots of potential for more adventures.

2 stars

It started off fine bet has become too extreme.

Really dude! He gets some sorta power and the first thing he does is rape a girl. Not to mention all that other shit he was spouting. 'best tasting shit' seriously! There's something really very wrong with you if you're capable of even thinking that.

You should not give up your day job.

I say that because you really really turned this into a literal ass sucking story. I give you 1 star you fool.

don't listen to the nay-sayers

this was a good story, has room for improvement, but alot of potential. I see it's been a year since you submitted anything, I hope you can ignore the "critics", and come back to writing, I'd like to read more of his adventures, especially when he gets back to town.

good start

Good start, would like to see where this is going