Finding Sarah Ch. 01

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Shit. Bad editing. Bad punctuation.

18 and in a strip club? Where does that happen?

WTF?

Appalling editing, 14-year old vocabulary, dull story, don't you know that 5 pages in your word processor program is about one page on Literotica? No enough work done here to justify calling this a story, and you say you're going to write more chapters? You haven't finished chapter 1 yet, and what's here is just lazy and rushed, no stars

A Good Start

An interesting beginning, although I wish it was a bit longer. It's a shame your first comment was from an anonymous troll. He needs to shut up, open an account and see if he can do any better (probably not, since he has apparently not mastered complete sentences).

a copy..

I read a story just like this before

nyc start

a good starte..bt the way u ended the story is pure genious

uhh..

what?? i was 17 when i first started in the dancing jackal, i started my act a month later, still age 17. it happens everywhere?

a good start

Don't listen to complainers. This is obviously just part 1. I'm looking forward to whats coming next. Dont keep us waiting long.

Good story

Good start, just needs more chapters. Thanks

Well written, very good start

I hope you have more planned to write.

edit.

You need to edit and check sentence structure for a smoother read.

This is basically a condensed version of the beginning of "I found my sister stripping." by dark_brother. I hope that's purely coincidence.

not good

just a cheap rip off of I FOUND MY SISTER STRIPPING by DARKHORSE. stop stealing stories and either write your own or just read plagerism is illegal and a felony.

good story

I've read that story people claim this is a rip off of and they are just being stupid the character doesn't even have the same background as the ones in that story the only similarities is the sister is stripping at the strip club her brother goes to in order to celebrate his birthday and the fact that they are estranged their argument is like saying you stole this idea because it has a brother and sister

NOOOOO

No don't stop! I was just reading it and not touching myself and found it interesting. More would be good