I will never advise someone to stop writing, what a callous and self righteous thing to do. Mostly used by anondiots as a bullying device. I am disappointed to see BBL using it too. My advice s that if you are going to continue with this subject matter you fully understand that you will receive a number of negative comments and a low rating. My chief complaint is that the husband seems to have decided things in their relationship that he has not discussed with his wife. That will almost certainly end in disaster. The fact that she seems all for it should also spell out doom for this relationship.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
get out
your chair you idiot and go find a life, writing this crap what a loser.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
Before the scales are tipped by the "Ayes" or the "Nays"...
.... read the story. For a first effort, it is ambitious (five chapters) to say the least. To go the distance, It'll have to have more than a once ( or twice) in the Ladies.
There will be character development as to how they got to the point, from his side almost certainly, and what ensues from the night out.
Relationships, Thrill, is what it's all about.
Knowing all this, and with four chapters still to go , there is scope for the BTB faction and the RACC both to get their hopes up.
Technically ...... it has flaws. Sorry, but it does.
The Extreme lack of dialogue, (save for that one line) needs to be addressed,
Dialogue will also help break up the uniformly long paragraphs.
The continual ( or is it continuous) use of the Present Tense is, quite bluntly, annoying, as is the continuous " he did this, and I thought /felt that "
I found no defects in the word choice or errors due to VRS, though no doubt others might.
For this being your first, even second, third or fourth effort,
Thanks and Cheers,
Kilroy.
For a first story this chapter is well done. Even being English English doesn't turn me off as it often does. I really think of cistern as a tank to hold well water for a rural home and not the tank of a lavatory or commode. That's my hang up, author, not yours.
I do want to see where you take this coming of sexual age and awareness story of a forty year old married woman. If it begins with sex in a public rest room god knows how far it will go. She must have a great trip up or down the sexual garden path. One other thought, I hope bathrooms in English bars are cleaner than those in American bars I have frequented.
Keep on writing and publishing your stories. Learn to cultivate a thick skin over the comments. Have fun while you are at it.
Why am I so popular? Or unpopular.
I don't care for this type of storyline. I feel one tale is enough. We all get the idea. When I say no offense it means I'm not criticizing your writing, just your thought process. Keep writing. Just not this.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
your popular because most anons are underground cucks
I agree with betrayed on this, stop while your behind. And fuck all the lovers of this shit because you'll give those retards ideas.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
nice tale
Well written and different approach to this type of story. Sounds like she will be in for a long night. Thanks for writing.
I can appreciate a well written story. I may not like the tale, but I still appreciate good writing. Never have been a fan of a couple bringing a third or more persons into a relationship. It will only create problems. With that said, hope your future chapters will bring the couple together as a twosome only. The willing cuck needs to be removed from the gene pool. Since he set this up, she should divorce his ass and send him to purgatory.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
My 2 Cents
Not a fan of this cuck type story. Here the wife didn't even want it. I kept hoping that the whole story was a misunderstanding. That the husband had a different surprise in mind and it was just her luck that the stud used the code line and took advantage. However with a second guy doing the same thing I tend to doubt it.
You've accomplished something here. You've told an entire story without expressing a single human feeling. They're all bleached out. Like reading a dictionary.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
Never met a man who wanted this shit.
I guess I've just been unlucky, no guy has ever wanted me to fuck his wife, I guess they were all straight, -5.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
Your inability to stick with either present or past tense made this unreadable.
by
Anonymous07/30/13
Do your thang
The story was not bad... agree with it being a little bleached and I too felt that this was going to be a misunderstanding...
But nothing was as servre or asyou damning as the previous critics would have you believe... also there's nothing wrong with the subject matter at all!!!!!
I don't understand people who read this kind of material when they totally disagree with it...
if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen... don't read cook books... actually they should probably keep the bible thumping.
Any case good job and keep doing your own thing and look forward to the next installments
by
Anonymous07/31/13
Wonderful start
I can't wait to see how this develops. Ignore the Muslimbrotherhood. They think they have total control of this forum.
But please don't let the level of vitriolic abuse directed at you put you off. You say this is a story in 5 parts, so may I assume that at least some of the following chapters have already been written. Please don't let the 'trolls' on here prevent you from continuing. You may have already noticed that most of the abuse comes from 'people' (?) who have not even got the courage to put their name (user or otherwise) to their abusive comments.
I am not saying this is a great work of literature, but it is your own work. You are an author whereas they have never written anything and probably never will.
The 'Loving Wives' section is notorious for the hate mail these self styled guardians of morality pump out. Who they think is interested in their abuse is beyond me.
Your work is real, it is the product of your imagination and experiences. All they can do is criticize.
I, for one, found the story to be a really good read. The emotions and nervousness of the heroine, in such an 'out of her comfort zone' situation, was believable and compelling.
I look forward to chapter 2 with relish.
English
Oh Wow
Please. Do everyone a favor. DON"T CONTINUE
No offense.
Ignore the haters
The name "betrayedbylove" says it all really. A sad loser trying to force his views onto the rest of the world
What a Dick
Yeah you anon.
HA
The prior Anon.....
How about shoving your comment up your ass! betrayedbylove is right on! And, author, DON'T continue! Just a run-of-the-mill slut story.
give betrayed a break
his brain short-circuited from swallowing too much jizz
I will never advise someone to stop writing, what a callous and self righteous thing to do. Mostly used by anondiots as a bullying device. I am disappointed to see BBL using it too. My advice s that if you are going to continue with this subject matter you fully understand that you will receive a number of negative comments and a low rating. My chief complaint is that the husband seems to have decided things in their relationship that he has not discussed with his wife. That will almost certainly end in disaster. The fact that she seems all for it should also spell out doom for this relationship.
get out
your chair you idiot and go find a life, writing this crap what a loser.
Before the scales are tipped by the "Ayes" or the "Nays"...
.... read the story. For a first effort, it is ambitious (five chapters) to say the least. To go the distance, It'll have to have more than a once ( or twice) in the Ladies.
There will be character development as to how they got to the point, from his side almost certainly, and what ensues from the night out.
Relationships, Thrill, is what it's all about.
Knowing all this, and with four chapters still to go , there is scope for the BTB faction and the RACC both to get their hopes up.
Technically ...... it has flaws. Sorry, but it does.
The Extreme lack of dialogue, (save for that one line) needs to be addressed,
Dialogue will also help break up the uniformly long paragraphs.
The continual ( or is it continuous) use of the Present Tense is, quite bluntly, annoying, as is the continuous " he did this, and I thought /felt that "
I found no defects in the word choice or errors due to VRS, though no doubt others might.
For this being your first, even second, third or fourth effort,
Thanks and Cheers,
Kilroy.
1*
No comment necessary. The score says it all.
Very good
For a first story this chapter is well done. Even being English English doesn't turn me off as it often does. I really think of cistern as a tank to hold well water for a rural home and not the tank of a lavatory or commode. That's my hang up, author, not yours.
I do want to see where you take this coming of sexual age and awareness story of a forty year old married woman. If it begins with sex in a public rest room god knows how far it will go. She must have a great trip up or down the sexual garden path. One other thought, I hope bathrooms in English bars are cleaner than those in American bars I have frequented.
Keep on writing and publishing your stories. Learn to cultivate a thick skin over the comments. Have fun while you are at it.
Damn
Why am I so popular? Or unpopular.
I don't care for this type of storyline. I feel one tale is enough. We all get the idea. When I say no offense it means I'm not criticizing your writing, just your thought process. Keep writing. Just not this.
your popular because most anons are underground cucks
I agree with betrayed on this, stop while your behind. And fuck all the lovers of this shit because you'll give those retards ideas.
nice tale
Well written and different approach to this type of story. Sounds like she will be in for a long night. Thanks for writing.
Not A Fan
I can appreciate a well written story. I may not like the tale, but I still appreciate good writing. Never have been a fan of a couple bringing a third or more persons into a relationship. It will only create problems. With that said, hope your future chapters will bring the couple together as a twosome only. The willing cuck needs to be removed from the gene pool. Since he set this up, she should divorce his ass and send him to purgatory.
My 2 Cents
Not a fan of this cuck type story. Here the wife didn't even want it. I kept hoping that the whole story was a misunderstanding. That the husband had a different surprise in mind and it was just her luck that the stud used the code line and took advantage. However with a second guy doing the same thing I tend to doubt it.
Bleached Writing
You've accomplished something here. You've told an entire story without expressing a single human feeling. They're all bleached out. Like reading a dictionary.
Never met a man who wanted this shit.
I guess I've just been unlucky, no guy has ever wanted me to fuck his wife, I guess they were all straight, -5.
Your inability to stick with either present or past tense made this unreadable.
Do your thang
The story was not bad... agree with it being a little bleached and I too felt that this was going to be a misunderstanding...
But nothing was as servre or asyou damning as the previous critics would have you believe... also there's nothing wrong with the subject matter at all!!!!!
I don't understand people who read this kind of material when they totally disagree with it...
if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen... don't read cook books... actually they should probably keep the bible thumping.
Any case good job and keep doing your own thing and look forward to the next installments
Wonderful start
I can't wait to see how this develops. Ignore the Muslimbrotherhood. They think they have total control of this forum.
A surprise indeed
But please don't let the level of vitriolic abuse directed at you put you off. You say this is a story in 5 parts, so may I assume that at least some of the following chapters have already been written. Please don't let the 'trolls' on here prevent you from continuing. You may have already noticed that most of the abuse comes from 'people' (?) who have not even got the courage to put their name (user or otherwise) to their abusive comments.
I am not saying this is a great work of literature, but it is your own work. You are an author whereas they have never written anything and probably never will.
The 'Loving Wives' section is notorious for the hate mail these self styled guardians of morality pump out. Who they think is interested in their abuse is beyond me.
Your work is real, it is the product of your imagination and experiences. All they can do is criticize.
I, for one, found the story to be a really good read. The emotions and nervousness of the heroine, in such an 'out of her comfort zone' situation, was believable and compelling.
I look forward to chapter 2 with relish.
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