All Comments on 'Starburst'

The FABULOUS Lojosi has translated some of my poems into Danish for me. In discussing word choice with him for the Danish rendering I made some adjustments to the English version of this poem. I tried to withdraw the submission yesterday, without success; so what you have just read is the penultimate draft of this poem. Below is the revised version that I think is slightly better and also it reflects what you'll read in Danish later this week if Literotica agrees to publish that version as well...

Starburst

- Mary-Aranxia Swann

And God said, “Let there be light!”

And behold, there was cold gas,

And swirls of cosmic dust, and eddies of energy

And heat, and the lure of gravitational pull.

And the molecular clouds in interstellar space

gave rise to nurseries and open clusters and supernovae.

And Red Giants, luminous blues, our yellow sun, cool oranges,

slash stars and white dwarfs were born.

And the men on the firmament in Jamaica looked up

to the diamond-sequined endless canopy of black velvet in the celestial sphere;

God’s hands as He shaped and moulded the cosmos

into spirals and ellipses, nebulae, Bok globules, empty space

And other heavenly mysteries; science as magnificent artistry!

And they saw the constellations within our galaxies,

And the sequence of life from birth to evolution to death

played out among these heavenly objects.

And they, like God, said, “That’s wonderful!”

I liked the mention of Bok globules, a term I had forgotten (if I ever knew it).

You might want to work on the meter of your poem a little bit, but otherwise it is excellent.

Or Creationism !?!