My Step-Sister

No more

Please don't write any more enough is enough

Read more before you write, there needs to be more explanation of what their hands and bodies are doing

WHY ARE ALL OF THE CHARACTERS...

YELLING?!

Juvenile

Simply juvenile

Needs work

You had a great idea for a story and did ok in getting it down in print . What you should do is find some one to proof read and edit you work . Good luck and keep writing .

Too Obvious

No depth in the story, I agree it was probably written by a juvenile.

steppin up

I don't think it's altogether bad. It IS shallow and undeveloped. But there's something real also. But I do agree you should work on your style.

Weak

I know it's a backhanded compliment, but....this isn't the worst thing I've read. But, it's still not very good. The idea was good, but there was no build up, no character development and your descriptions were weak. You do need an editor, but I agree with one of the other commenters; you need to read more before you write again. Find some of the really well written stories and see how they develop their stories. Have an idea where you want the story to end up and then plot out the course of how you want the characters to get there; even if it's just a one time story and not a series with chapters.

We all have a starting point, and yours isn't horrible. Just study up on writing more and definitely read other authors' stuff.

Anatomy or physics

Pay some attention to detail. Before you write about what position your lovers are in, think about if it's actually possible. At one point, you had me thinking she had his cock in her mouth while she was lying on her stomach with him behind her. Think it out and make sure you're painting a clear picture. If you're making me think she's on her back, then its sort of disrupting when you write that she turns over and ends up on her back.

Very

Predictable

She wasn't blood so it's all good right

Yes, my step sister seduced me -and dad too!

The young 18 year old step sister was well equipped to do me. Her wet panties left conveniently in the bathroom. Doing dad wasn't enough. The cum -cock craving bitch strutted around in her nylons and high heels swishing her smooth thighs as she clicked along. Her room full of intimate attire. The hot bitch half sister wanted young dick as well. I was next to sample her delicious cunt. MORE....

Not

bad.

My cum

Is everywhere

I could barely read I was to busy

This was great I never thought of reading this type of stuff should do it more often

damnnnn

I came so hard lol😃

Lacking

The story was decent, but very rushed. A lot of build-up and important details were missed. The writing itself could use work.

Made me so fucking wet

Liked it a lot

Pathetic

Where do you think you are? In a manga? Just stop exaggerating on every single action happening…

Great

Don't listen to the negative comments.

More

You seem to be a lazy writer, go into detail not so much about the sex, but about what is going on around the area. You seem to skip everything not involving direct action.

Damn

I prefer short stories like this