All Comments on 'Avery Screws the Virgin, Sage'

Keep trying... lacks character development, moves too fast and needs more believability.

no character development - no backstory - no plot other than wham bam, thank you mam

Keep it up. Your story has good character for her being a virgin but there is no development leading g up to the finale. There is also no character or plot. You story is rushed and seems a bit forced. Continue writing and let it flow more.

By all accounts he raped her, all he thought about was his dick.

Your story lasted about as long as his making her a woman.

Perhaps a little more development?

Lucky thing I didn't blink during the reading of this. I might have missed all the action.

boy was she dumb thats just the way like them

Thanks for the story. I didn't like it to be honest. It's not because your main protagonist is a complete A-hole, because you can still weave a hot story around that.

The leftovers ? That guy is an a sshole and someone needs to learn about vaginas. Also I laughed so hard with the description of the duck or the way you call people "the horny man" "the virgin". It didn't make sense but it was funny