Those other comments were harsh. Don't let them get you down. Not a bad effort. Reads like a first effort. For the most part, the sentences were well constructed.
A little more background or character development would be good. Why did the sister agree to his original proposition? Why did the father not only put up with it, but by buying them a bigger bed, encourage it? Mother objected, but said nothing when the father gave his okay? Why would she do that? Give us a believable reason. Why did the family also accept this situation? Why is everyone deferring to the father? Why did the siblings feel compelled to get married?
Grammar and sentence construction are important, but that's the framework around which you construct your tale. Part of the appeal of the taboo scene is the shock value, but aside from them that, you need to give the participants motivation, even if it's implied. Fucking just to be fucking is not a good reason to get married or to have kids. People do that, sure, but to paraphrase, their lives also tend to be full of "quiet desperation" or just are plain outright unhappy. Too, it makes one wonder if the whole family is fucking each other. What is to keep the siblings from stepping out on each other or even remain together? Make us sit up and say, "That was romantic," "He was a jerk!" or even, "I've felt like that."
There are those kind of stories where everybody fucks everybody, but they have to be really well written to be believable. You have the skills to write. Now work on fleshing out the players and develop the story. Intrigue us, captivate us, show us something about human nature. Tell us about people coping with emotions and feelings in an awkward situation. Give us something to identify with. Good luck!
This is written like a freshman in high school. Implausible, horrible grammar, stilted dialog, and incredibly bad pacing. This was the most poorly written story I've seen in several years on here.
English
You're kidding, right!
Nothing good to be said here.
When will Literotica change the voting range to include "0?"
When such a score is appropriate, it should be an option.
Absolutely agree with the previous comment.
There's horrible, and there's beyond horrible. This was BEYOND beyond horrible. /gag
Harsh
Those other comments were harsh. Don't let them get you down. Not a bad effort. Reads like a first effort. For the most part, the sentences were well constructed.
A little more background or character development would be good. Why did the sister agree to his original proposition? Why did the father not only put up with it, but by buying them a bigger bed, encourage it? Mother objected, but said nothing when the father gave his okay? Why would she do that? Give us a believable reason. Why did the family also accept this situation? Why is everyone deferring to the father? Why did the siblings feel compelled to get married?
Grammar and sentence construction are important, but that's the framework around which you construct your tale. Part of the appeal of the taboo scene is the shock value, but aside from them that, you need to give the participants motivation, even if it's implied. Fucking just to be fucking is not a good reason to get married or to have kids. People do that, sure, but to paraphrase, their lives also tend to be full of "quiet desperation" or just are plain outright unhappy. Too, it makes one wonder if the whole family is fucking each other. What is to keep the siblings from stepping out on each other or even remain together? Make us sit up and say, "That was romantic," "He was a jerk!" or even, "I've felt like that."
There are those kind of stories where everybody fucks everybody, but they have to be really well written to be believable. You have the skills to write. Now work on fleshing out the players and develop the story. Intrigue us, captivate us, show us something about human nature. Tell us about people coping with emotions and feelings in an awkward situation. Give us something to identify with. Good luck!
0 stars
Absolutely concur, if there were a 0 star I would have awarded it, most definitely do NOT give up the day job.
bad writing =8-O
This is written like a freshman in high school. Implausible, horrible grammar, stilted dialog, and incredibly bad pacing. This was the most poorly written story I've seen in several years on here.
I enjoyed this very simple story. The writing was very simple English and the character development was almost zero.
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