Serial Lover Ch. 01

This is very interesting! I definitely want to know what happens next! Please update asap!!!

mixed feelings

This story is promising, as well as your writing skills. I'll tell you what works for me and what didn't. I like the concept of a young innocent being thrust into an unlikely situation. I like the idea of a calculated criminal having that innocent become the wrench in his plans or his life even. I like the idea of retribution for sins. But...here's what didn't work for me. A lot of profanity. I get the stepdad using it. It sort of exemplifies his character. But the two narrators curse A LOT and it has the reverse effect....almost detracting from them. Distracting. Also the violence was just a little over the line for me. I feel like these people need to be humiliated. Taught the error of their ways. Not mutilated. It would make your dark criminal kidnapper perhaps more redeemable in the end. Good luck, I will gladly read more!

Redeemable?

I hope he is redeemable. I prefer happy endings, but I'm not sure that'll happen if he kills her family.
I agree with a previous post about too much swearing, fits the stepfather, but distracts with the other characters.

Interesting story, quite dark. I love the mix of characters you have introduced. Did he really chop off his hands? Gross! I hope the mother doesn't get treated too badly, it seems she has a bad deal in life already, even if its seems she is weak. Would definitely like to see this story continue. Very interesting.

Interesting start

I hope next chapters will be a little longer (Who am I kidding? MUCH longer).
Good luck!

omg!

Write moree write more

Very good story. Cant wait for more

Can't wait to see where this goes

Good start to what seems like an interesting story.

Bit weak on the serial killer aspect of the story though. So far he seems less like a serial killer and more like a mass murder type. Took him a month to decide to kill them? Even if he was ensuring they fit his victim profile, feels like a bit of a long wait. He must have inhuman self-restraint for a serial killer, ( most would seem to be a bit more impulsive on who and when they kill, but that doesn't mean they would be any less methodical once he began to take action.) Also, it looks like you tried to show that the killer does his killings in more of a theatical way, telling them their crimes and then 'punishing them'. But in that case, the torture was a bit light for me, though that might be because it was told from a 3rd party perspective of the girl, which made that scene actually a disappointment. Recommend you read some True Crime novels and books.

All my complaints aside, I did enjoy reading this chapter and am looking forward to reading more.
~Harlequin (sorry I have standards)

can't wait!

excited for the next chapters, but longer ones would be nice (:

dayumm

This story is absolutely delicious

good beginning

Intriguing, looking forward to the next chapter.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

You got me!!!!

Have just started watching dexter so this caught my eye. Really good story, you got my attention and kept it. Looking forward to seeing where you bring this.

more

More please.

Gross. This story belongs in Erotic Horror, because honestly, getting off on killing the family of someone in front of them before raping them is taking it way out of genre and into the zone of seriously fucked up.

Wow

Can't wait to read more!!!! Please hurry

loved it

please update soon.. always love to see psychotic Brits appear in stories... well actually I just like men with accents lol.. keep it coming

Love, love, loving this!

Already have suspense building, almost jumping up and down in excitement for the next chapters! Can't wait, please be quick! :D

More please please please

I'd really love to read another chapter or two

Really good

I thought this story was great, there is lots of promise to develop a really intricate and interesting storyline. I would pay no heed to a few of these comments, a minority of people want pure romance in the non-consent/reluctance section, so you'll always get some asking for a tragically wonderful man who (at most) will give a few harsh words to some beautiful virginal girl who has never touched a cock before. Ill keep reading, and I look forward to your next instalment.

Hooked!

I really enjoyed this chapter. I look forward to reading more. I will be watching for more posts from you.

Really good

Great start, can't wait for the next chapter!

Supreb

Wonderful introduction, please update soon.

Great start! Can't wait to read the next chapter.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

Thank you c:

Thank you for the positive comments and feedback. I will try to cut down on the swearing if that offends or distracts from the story. The original I wrote was much more graphic with the violence but Literotica wanted me to edit it down. I have a million ideas and they're all starting to click in my brain and I'm really excited to start writing. I will begin writing today and I'm very excited to hear back and to intrigue you some more c:
It will be dark, sexy, funny, and might make you think
I hope you like it c:
-Luna

Pretty good so far!

You have done a really good job of drawing your reader into the story. I would definelty cut down on the swearing as it tends to be distracting. Otherwise you have definelty left a lot of room for character development. Keep up the excellent writing!