How I Became a Slave

Too abrupt on all levels. That she did this, what was done, his acceptance. It requires an impossible level of suspension of disbelief. Next time, slow down and give it in increments that draw the reader in.

Also, pink leather straps does not make this bdsm. This was a noncon story.

Gotta echo the other responder. There's no way to believe this because it is so out of the blue and far too quick.

FA_JF is right

You have gone too far too quickly. You can write, that's for sure, but this was not even remotely credible, even for a facetious (I think you meant to write fictitious) story.

Slow down, develop your story, put it in the correct category and resubmit it.

Thank you for trying - three stars.

I Agree

I agree with the other comments. Right now, the only way he's going to get out of it would be to knock the sister-in-law unconscious, and call the police.

wow and not a good wow...a whippy sad wow..

I was so excited when I read the title, tag and your acct name. I thought 'hey this might be something.' OMG...noncon...bigtime. If he wanted this as I see from your profile, then it should have been mentioned, as in, we watch a varity of porn and we both found interest in Femdom and wanted to explore giving myself over to my wife. Now I understand that it was a "soft" bondage porn tape that they watched...that does not give way to this sadistic torture and to have a your husband fill up on another man's cum...then the sister...no sorry unless there was some 'feeling' towards these ideas...this was some sick prison/secert agent/revenge torture, make them talk move. Sorry. You have a great story idea in this and you most certainly can write. But in your vigor to produce and post you neglected to develop characters, plot and story line. I feel sad for the male character but I am not invested in the redemption of the female character or in he next move. You started well..quick overview bland happy couple...what was he missing as hints that she wanted this. That one video put her over the edge? Something else is missing. And if this was BDSM, she would have talked about it (aftercare) and unless this scene is continuing, she would not have kicked him in his junk to prove a point. This was not love or respect or even fetish (well one sided) this was pure torture. Unless a ch2 is coming explaining everything you should real re-write this (as stated by earlier comment). Please do not take us to heart that you become frustrated, we only want you to better your skills. Pace this story out, build the action, develop the characters...always remember for every action there is an equal reaction. And never forget who, what, where, when, why, and how. There are a lot of editors and helpful 'beta' readers on this site. Ask for help...hell she started it send a comment through contact on FA_JF's acct and send her you work...she'll look it over...no charge. Yeah, that's right, I volunteered you Jaw....Floor.

Oh and welcome to lit!!!

Agree with "Redyellowgo"

I'm just more blunt. It was a fucked up story. Not into reading about torture. It's certainly not a BDSM story. Remotely at best noncon. And LIT did away with extreme. TAKE HEED to the advice on development. It was very good. I may not have liked this on any level, but at least you tried. Good luck next time.

Let me tell you a story now

I was walking down the street it was, it was just a regular old Sunday afternoon. The birds were chirping and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I saw a yellow butterfly slowly flutter by me.

The I felt something hit me in the back. It was the butterfly holding a AK47 and shooting me. I tried to pull out my tank from my left pocket but I must have left it in my submarine. I died. But then I woke up in my bed on the submarine stationed on Mars and looked at my tank on my dresser. "Better not forget that today" I noted.

The end.

Wrong category

Put it in nonconsent where it belongs...

Nice attempt

The idea is ok but the way this is written it isn't bdsm,there is no dynamic,the wife simply tricks him then beats the crap out of him and treats him like shit.With even exyreme bdsm you work towards this and there is,a dynamic of respect.In this the wife is an abusive bitch whose next stop could be jail,since he never consented.

This prob should be in non consent and needs to be fleshed out.

Hummm!

I'm not put out by the story being in the wrong category. I'm not put out by the content (to each his own as they say). My comment is about his wife and maybe a little bit about the preamble... There is no way that this could come from left field the way it did. There had to be some indication, some inflection in her mannerisms, to indicate a change in their relationship. I agree that men are sometimes blind but noone can be that blind. You can't do something like that to someone you love. The only saving grace to validate this would be to think that in some way the wife felt this was a (temporary) game. The author was pretty smart to end the story there because otherwise there had to be an (legitamate) explanation how either his wife and sister -in- law kept up his enslavement or else how he escaped or else how they let him go. My suggestion would be for the wife to somehow give him an opening while both women were out to let him escape.

Not erotic

Just twisted. She wants to shock him? He should shock the living shit out of her with something instead. That fucker Mark too.