Commas come after the dialog. You had none. Maybe you should look at the real writers on here and see how they do it. That's all I'm going to tell you. Figure the rest out on your own.
by
Anonymous09/06/13
Thanks for the story
Thanks for the contribution. Don't mind the writing police on the site. From a story perspective I would have loved to have seen a little more build up and description for the climatic scene. However, I enjoyed what you wrote even if it was short and sweet.
I would not pay attention to anonymous critics who are not constructive.
You do have some grammar issues, and I would suggest you work with an editor. Your story's scores will go up, and you will have a happier audience.
Interesting story concept and telling. A little more development would be a bit better. I felt like you went from Point A to Point C with just a wave at B as you flew by. That is just my opinion, for what it is worth. Opinions are like armpits. Most of us have a couple, and sometimes they stink, so take from this what you find helpful.
jc
Restraint. This guy apparently has none. The story itself is fairly vanilla.
by
Anonymous06/29/14
Started so well...pity.
The start was nice slow pace, casual, with information but not an overload. Then after seeing her boobs the pace quickened a bit fast with the sex scene coming out of nowhere and finishing quite fast. For next time you should just focus on the build up and put more detail into the sex scenes. You have quite a nice writing style though.
English
Condoms ar for wankers
which you are
.
Commas come after the dialog. You had none. Maybe you should look at the real writers on here and see how they do it. That's all I'm going to tell you. Figure the rest out on your own.
Thanks for the story
Thanks for the contribution. Don't mind the writing police on the site. From a story perspective I would have loved to have seen a little more build up and description for the climatic scene. However, I enjoyed what you wrote even if it was short and sweet.
Interesting
I would not pay attention to anonymous critics who are not constructive.
You do have some grammar issues, and I would suggest you work with an editor. Your story's scores will go up, and you will have a happier audience.
Interesting story concept and telling. A little more development would be a bit better. I felt like you went from Point A to Point C with just a wave at B as you flew by. That is just my opinion, for what it is worth. Opinions are like armpits. Most of us have a couple, and sometimes they stink, so take from this what you find helpful.
jc
some guys...
Restraint. This guy apparently has none. The story itself is fairly vanilla.
Started so well...pity.
The start was nice slow pace, casual, with information but not an overload. Then after seeing her boobs the pace quickened a bit fast with the sex scene coming out of nowhere and finishing quite fast. For next time you should just focus on the build up and put more detail into the sex scenes. You have quite a nice writing style though.
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