Wife, Shy to Hottie

Yuck

I'm with You

I agree....YUK. Very poorly written. I wondered if the author was a native English speaker because of the clumsy style. And the story...NOT SO MUCH.

It's not the clumsy English so much as ...

... it was a pretty lame story. Yesterday a Dutchman got five stars from me and a number of others - and not because he wrote English like a Booker Prize winner (he did well, but it was the quality of the story that made the difference)

My suggestion would be to get an editor, perhaps one from this sight.

Don't stop writing, but seek resources for help.

Don't take suggestions from people who don't know the difference between sight and site.

Two meny tie pose.

Please do yourself and us a favor and use an editor to check your story before posting.

For a first bash it's not as bad as people make out

To me it sounded like more of a recapping of events. Whilst some stories can be very hot, they maybe less than truthful.

If I was to offer any suggestions, it would be to take more time over the small details. I can imagine during the senario, that it was quite heated and exciting. But when recounting the details for others who were not there at the time, you need to add a little of the details that maybe you recall for free in your own head.

Difficult to read

Normally I don't play the "Grammar Police" card but yours is so bad that it made the story difficult to read.