I enjoyed this piece. The theme was interesting and your characters were believable. If I were to offer any constructive criticism it would be to not skimp on the details by rushing through the piece. Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and both physical and emotional feelings make for a much richer story. You did put in some of those finer points, but more would be welcome, in my opinion. Also, don't forget to proof-read (your main female character's name changed part way through the piece). Other than that, keep up the good work!
English
Don't skimp
I enjoyed this piece. The theme was interesting and your characters were believable. If I were to offer any constructive criticism it would be to not skimp on the details by rushing through the piece. Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and both physical and emotional feelings make for a much richer story. You did put in some of those finer points, but more would be welcome, in my opinion. Also, don't forget to proof-read (your main female character's name changed part way through the piece). Other than that, keep up the good work!
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