All Comments on 'Bounced Check'

to the real world... I do enjoy the presentation of events reflecting real living situations...

Uncomfortably numb.

sad but true in many cases. age catches up with one spouse and the slide starts.

That WOULD not happen, fuck, bullshit like that ruins the while story for me.

Murph grows a pair with a no wimp ending.

Gotta give you a five!

Probably been awhile since you've seen one of those, so keep up the good work.

Can you say hippa violation? The wife could have sued and gotten a butt load of money. Very unrealistic. 2 stars.

Looking forward to more

The first half was great, with the discovery of the affair and the wifes admission. But then you you sorta lost it and the rest of the story turned into a simple out-line of what happened. You should have made it at least twice as long and kept the same pace through the entire thing. Well written though.

Will admit I was equally surprised by the amount of information by the Health Centre given but different countries, differing amount of disclosures. Story was credible along with the characters. Well done!

Great first half, dead second half.

(5+1)/2=3*

Now, he is just another wimp cuck [as usual from this author].

Good story, I enjoyed it. Thank you.

Don't blame him for divorcing her. He can get some younger women himself. He just needs to fix himself up.

Men whom chase after young tail that age are called perverts.. a woman as in this story,,, nothing said. Too bad he did not have some army buddies they would have waited for this young stud and sent him to his ER

could he have not reported him to his place of work. A very poor effort because i think from reading this author other stories he would rather have let her keep on keeping on with brian. i think this author got sick of the comments on his stories and made a poor effort to change.

the saying death becomes her speaks well here. Also she was unethical and so was the nurse and it should have been brought up to the hospital. And she should be paying child support.

the femline side comes out.

The clinic would.never talk about what she had done,unless she gave prior permission.HPAA is all about privacy,that clinic could be brought up on charges for doing that.

This was one of the best story starters to show up in some time, and much more engaging characters than we usually get for such a short offering.

Wish it were ten time as long.

the yellow brick road tells all, TK U MLJ LV NV

Should've gotten Brian "male nurse" fired for unethical practice would permanently affect his career opportunities. As for cheating wife; got what she deserved.

Read.

Interesting half story.

A good editor and a re-read is always reccommended.

Please, try again Murphy 621.

AMerryMan

But it was still a good story.

Thank you for the story! And thank you for not making the guy be someone we all would like to put out of his misery and for being a sad excuse of a man.

Reality is that, BTB and all of that aside, how can a man who has any self respect at all stay after such an extended betrayal and deception?

How could trust ever be rebuilt?

And why would a man even want to be with someone who obviously would rather be having sex with someone else much more than him?

And the kicker is that if he had stayed, she would have understood she had a free pass to do it to him whenever and with whoever she wanted.

Would have like to seen the nurse get at least a little payback for hitting on a married woman....

OK, first suspension of belief was getting all that highly confidential information on the phone,

the second suspension is that you fudged how he ended up with a copy of the bill. If she gets home before him all the time so she could get the first bill, why didn't she get the second bill as well?

Third one anyone but a fool would say it was a two or three time affair, a fling in a moment of weakness.

Fourth one Two or three sessions a week, two or three fucks per session is so over the top as to be unbelievable.

Taken all together, it was a weak story. Your writing is OK, but the plot was very weak because there were simply too many suspensions of belief.

The divorce was unrealistic.

The call to the abortion clinic would not have ever happened that way. You needed more investigation to get the truth. Several steps in the story are short cuts like this that make it a summary, not a story. Custody decided by angry kids making an emotional choice just doesn't happen either. Take more time, elaborate, let the dialogue intersperse with the narrative. Try harder.

(P.S. 'good reportage' is NOT a compliment for an erotic tale!)

should have been Non-Erotic

it didn't have any of the stuff listed for Loving Wives...

Loving Wives - Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing & more.

Fucking cunt cheating skank whore. She should have died getting the abortion from her lover. I hope she dies now alone in her studio apartment, preferably by her own hand.

the medical records would be hard to get unless the bill collector for the doctor

goofed and sent them . Its like show me the whole bill and I will pay. that does

work sometimes.

Based on the comments, your next piece should be about HIPPA.

I'm a big fan and I thought the premise had real promise, but the amount of personal information the clerk revealed on the phone to the husband at the beginning of the story made it difficult for me to suspend disbelief. If you could find a way to more plausibly establish the scenario, I think the story would have worked much better for me. Thanks for doing such good work otherwise; please accept this minor criticism in the spirit in which it was intended.

About the abortion while they were living together. Other than that fine story.

To get Brian. Very unimaginative for a fictional story. Sounded more like real life and how boring is that?

The revenge on this cheating wife was like a fruit at its peak of ripeness and totally ignored. A great opportunity was missed by the author. Although it was a good read it lacked emotion enthusiasm and bombastic revenge.

She did it to herself. Lost her job due to her conduct of lying about sales calls so she could fuck her stud, stud throws her out, she gains weight and has a loser job and is developing a low self esteem that will finish her.

No need for him to add to her misery, she doing quite well with it.

As to BF, well - one time with his being forceful would have needed some attention but she really didn't try to stop him and then she eagerly went after him again and again...too bad, but - she was a closet slut and just hasn't realized it yet...if she ever does, she'll clean up and have some fune - some!

How about driving over there, Tazer his ass, and then break every one of those precious little doctor-fingers?

All of you people who wanted him to go kick Brian's ass, you do realize that people go to jail for that everyday? Regardless of how these stories minimize it, people get convicted and actually do time for that very reason. So while he may have had the temporary satisfaction of kicking his ass, his wife is still going to be with him while hubby is serving time in prison. When he gets out it will be hard for him to get a job with a felony conviction. Meanwhile, Brian's injuries would eventually heal. He would move on with his life as a doctor, which means that he will still be getting paid a lot of money. He would probably have dumped the slut wife by now and moved on with another hot piece of nurse's tail. Now the slut wife and the stupid husband are pillow and table talk. Who really wins in this scenario?

Good for you Murphy. You suckered all the pissoir swallowers to respond by letting the boytoy skip safely out of town. You da Man!

the "stud's" name is so often Brian? What is with that name?

do not ever just do a Singe Job. TK U MLJ LV NV

Brian is pretty selective about which parts of Catholicism he follows.

Abortion is wrong, but adultery is okay ?

At least there's a happy ending to the story as he gets to watch her go down in her own flames.

This story could be 4 *...But...the lover boy didn't get what he deserved...young or not, he was a man...

he would've broken some bones,when lover boy would be in the dark.

First, this might have taken place before HIPPA became the bane of openness between spouses. Second, for those who want to heap shit on Brian, the only reason that I can see for maiming the boyfriend is if he is someone that knows you and takes advantage of that relationship. After all, just a guy on the street didn't promise to be faithful to you or your friendship. Your wife or husband did though. Third, like some of the commenters said, people are in jail right now for unloading on the man who was fucking his wife. I understand that even if it is in your home, as long as the wife invited him there, he is immune from an ass beating. According to the law. So that leaves revenge on the wife. Well, people on this site are absolutely psychotic when it comes to beating the shit out of the wife, no matter what she does. So no author here will get that kind of thing going. So, ruin her financially, take the kids, get her fired, watch while she gets beaten, verbally abused and passed around to all of boyfriends pals and then laugh.

Also, find Brian and beat him to within an inch of his life. So I lied about not doing that, sue me.

but didn't like the way it went. I don't approve of cheating on either side of the fence, but here is the problem, this is just one marriage Brian fucked up, ok he wasn't completely at fault. how many more is he going to fuck up, for whatever reason, before some hubby takes it on himself to end his rampage on marriages. cut the fuckers dick off, see how many marriages he fucks up then. use tie wraps, so he doesn't bleed to death, just in case.

It would gave been better to burn all bridges and screw her over. He should have taken his money first then divorced her ass. She really didnt love her children much as by her statements. THE END

The story started out good but it ended without much satisfaction. Jerry never met Brian and never reconciled with Maggie, not that I think he should have. Six months is a long time to be cheated on.

First, It's the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act!!!!! HIPAA, not Hippa, or HIPPA!!!! It became effective in 2003 in the USA. This story was written and appears to be set in 2013 in the USA. (Kids in middle school and high school, not "public school" or "A Level"; kids getting ready for college, not "uni". In addition, the work she does describes how "Big Pharma, USA " used to push drugs. Then there's the mention of a state university or state college. It all sounds like the USA.). The "Administrative Simplification" portion of the law [HIPAA] (about 396,000 words) DOES NOT CREATE A PRIVATE CAUSE OF ACTION! So wifey could not sue the clinic for breach of her privacy under HIPAA!! Depending on what state she lives in she may have a cause of action under one of the 50 states' laws about medical confidentiality. But the abortion clinic faces the possibility of US Federal Government CRIMINAL or Civil prosecution for its HIPAA violations. With American abortion foes shooting docs who perform abortions, burning abortion clinics, and so on, it boggles the mind to think that the nurse would disclose that information in an initial phone call, especially since she'd be facing a $50,000.00 fine and one year in Federal Prison for her first offense! The law then gets Draconian for repeat offenders!). I unfortunately spent ten years as the lawyer advising a major tertiary medical center on how to implement HIPAA, and so I could find an exception to the disclosure without the wife's authorization, as it was for payment purposes (1/3 of the main exceptions--for "payment, treatment, or healthcare operations"); but only after a hell of a lot more development than the author gave it. As the story stands, husband would not have received this information in the way described.

Once we get over fairy tale that starts the story, and proceeding from the premise that hubby learned wife had an abortion, the rest of the story was good, but the first part just won't fly in the second decade of 21st century America.

If you couldn't do it two or three times when you were in your early twenties you had a problem. Second you could have had him fired her description of first time was assault or rape

But hey at least she wasn't a whole marriage serial cheater like former college instructor in Helena Montana.

Lost that job because of details revealed on Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com

Coerced student-threatened to flunk him-threatened to falsely accuse him of assault

No real resolution. Caught wife cheating, split, boyfriend moved on. Ho hum.

Boring. 1 Star

I checked out the Facebook profile suggested by anon. Student was 50 year old guy and he filled her with two loads every time and was still up for more

So you murph have always had problem. I used to screw my college girlfriend from dupuyer montana four times each night

Record was five and wanted more but she was too sore

I think. The only cure for the nurse would be to cut his dick off. That will guarantee he wouldn't fuck up anyone else's marriage. Even if I had to hire people to do it, it would be done.

and run his left leg through it. He's a thief and an interloper. Tell everyone what a whore the wife is and then just move on. Kids grown? No need to deal with her ever again.

He could have had him fired with no reference and sexual assault in file. First time was assault!

"As for Brian, there wasn't much I could do about him."????????????

What fucking planet are you on, man?

Any wimpish fucktard cuck believes shit like this DESERVES to lose his woman, to a man - any man not even a "Real Man", just anyone with a dick because this worthless piece of shit is not ANY kind of man.

1*

The second story I've read by this writer. I'm done with this guy now.

checks and credit cards leave a trail. TK U MLJ LV NV

2nd story I've read by this author and it's very blah.

1.5*.

Re-read this tale. Also saw my first comment. Let me try a little less anger.

How stupid can you be? She was cheating frequently, got pregnant, had an abortion, continued fucking him and was caught because of a bounced check. And she thought her her loving, faithful husband would let it go because she loooves him. Stupid. Very stupid. But who ever said that cheaters were intelligent?

deserved to be alot longer. short stories always seem to minimise the devastation that cheating cause.

Sorry. My revenge meter pegs when cheating happens. I would plan to physically harm them together. It would cause them grave damage. More than likely, they will suffer forever with a life threatening, incurable disease that I would inject them with. Just like her, I would care less about this outcome. I would just make sure her insurance premiums are paid on time.

murphy621

You had the bones of a really intense story with this one. Betrayal was absolute and on-going. Then the dramatic tension seemed to dissolve into a newspaper item style as you rattled off what happened after the split. That result was entirely on you dude, not your readers!

I don't know why she would accept the advances of a stranger, but then I never know why anyone cheats. I guess some grow to take a faithful spouse for granted. She won't do that again.

He knew where he went and where he worked. Time for a quick out-of-town trip. The kid will do this again to some other marriage. Need to put a permanent end to that behavior.

Short and direct. Finally, one of your male characters with a spine.

He should of hurt Brian bad, it was a nice shirt read but needed Brian hurt, he destroyed a family just for some pussy I'd of castrated him

You don't seem to have a knack for endings... It's like you see the finish line and you drop everything to get there... Your stories are fairly well written until you get to the last act... And then you just drop all semblence of a well thought out story and just rush to the end... You really... Really need to work on making your last acts as important to the stories as the acts that proceed them... And all of your stories fall into this category... You have talent... You're just not working to develop it... You're settling... Jmo

-jaye-

Is a lying, cheating slut when they think they can get away with it.

you envy the asshole your wife cheated with.

Jó volt ,rövid,de velős!Gratulálok!

This is one of your better stories. No equivocation at all. Bye now.

Good story

The story HAD some potential but lost it when Brian skated! The man who lets the interloper get by is NO MAN AT ALL....HE'S A WIMP!

. . . to a third party without a signed release.

Getting Brian fired, as some commenters have suggested? As soon as the husband took the complaint to the hospital, HR would give him a chance to resign, because that’s so much cheaper than firing him . . . not that they’d ever fire anyone for screwing around as long as he said it was all off premises and off work hours. Nurses are in such high demand he’d have another job within a week.

I tracked that prick down and sicked some friends of mine, who owed me a favour, on him.

They worked him over well.

He will never sire another child in his life. In fact he will never have another erection in his life. He was asked a question when being beaten. "Do you regret fucking a married woman?"

The story noted that Brian was much younger, so a fist fight between a 41 year old husband and a 23 year old stud? Odds are that Brian walks away the winner.

So, hubby has to take helpers or a weapon, and that makes it premeditated . . . and that means jail.

Hubby simply got beaten out by a better man.

Everybody but Brian got screwed. The husband gets screwed because his wife is cheating on him, he has to pay for a divorce and he keeps the kids. The problem with that is he isn't getting child support (according to the story - but we all know the Court would have ordered child support - it's a standard formula Courts use.) so how can he afford four kids? The kids got screwed because they lose their Mother and probably their chance to go to college since Dad won't be able to afford it. He'll be working hard and won't be around as much so their home life is destroyed. Maggie gets screwed as she loses her husband, her kids, her home and her job. Now she has to start life all over again. Pretty high price to pay for some cheap sex. Brian won. He got to fuck Maggie for months and then moved onto a new job and more women. This story really sucked. You should change your name to Debbie Downer.

1 star

It was quite the downer.

You know where he works. Enough time has passed, time to visit some severe and permanent punishment to Brian. He ruined your kids' lives too.

I would have hunted that SOB down and had a chat with him using my Louisville slugger baseball bat.

At least tell "devout [..cough...cough..] Catholic" Brian that his Punch flushed their kid.

"The kids stayed with me because they were pissed off at her for how she betrayed us, so there was no child support."

What is wrong with authors here? Every time the husband gets the children there's no child support. Here's a clue...child support is legally mandated in every state for children under 18, and a judge will not sign a final order that doesn't provide for it. The parents CANNOT simply agree to have no child support in any jurisdiction I'm aware of.

C'mon kids, none of you would chase after Brian. You forget the #1 rule on the internet is that the tougher someone tries to be the wimpier they really are.

As for the story, the premise was good but beyond that it went no where. The wife was the usual bimbo with the same cliched lines of "I dont want a divorce I love you" and the husband being the saint in the divorce.

4 Stars .. There should have been payback

Not a good story, only just average. AA++

Nope. Brian would have had his balls kicked to Mars. A thorough asskicking was in order.

why was he even thinking of staying or debating it with himself? She is gone.

Enjoyable story.

Les

Good storyline that limped to a pathetic ending.

2/5

1 star - sorry but this story just did not appeal to me - no real feelings, no empathy, no pain expressed - just the cold facts.

Very good-all decisions have consequences-Maggie made some bad decisions-married people have given their partner vows- now live up to them!

A good story till the last line.. then it sucked!

No revenge. No RAAC. Only a little BTB. It seems more like he tucked tail and crawled away. Dunb cheating wife , husband caves to youth. No nothing after the bounced check.

Pathetic story.

He is pathetic.

Agree

Another dum wife doing dum shit. It doesn’t matter where Brian moved to, Jerry needs to pay him a visit and introduce him to an Aluminum Baseball bat. Good story, well written.

I first read this years ago, gave it a five, but never commented. I'd still give it a five. Going after Brian would have been stupid, and probably resulted in jail time. He had to leave her; she was only sorry because she got caught.