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English
The whole story was in the first two chapters
No plot No emotion and No Fun!
Tailing Off
Started quite well. It felt like a sordid little fling, perhaps that was intentional but it reduced the excitement. It was certainly amusing that a cheater didn't like her lover being unfaithful! More drama at the end would have been appreciated. It would have been far more interesting if she'd been found out.
WHEN ONE WEDS YOUNG ARM CANDY
their expectations shouldn't be so high, TK U MLJ LV NV
Started Really Well
Started really well and then on the last page just drifted to a weak ending !
Massive editing needed
The word mechanics are terrible. There is just enough clear meaning in most cases to allow the reader to ignore what was actually said, and add his or her OWN words to force the action to make some sense.
The title coulda been 'Walt fucked a trophy-wife's butt time after time after time!' If it worked once, it will work again and again! And it (kinda) does. No real seduction, the only (kinda) novelty is Walt butt-fucking Sweetie in a variety of places...they missed doing it up in a date-palm! (Tough for a big-ass gal to climb a palm tree without getting palm splinters in her pussy.)
2*
Urinals in a Ladies Restroom!
Not likely.
Also, her "big ass" got fuckng boring.
She started, he finished it...
...too bad you lacked that dedication. This story is not finished. No way could any responsible writer leave this one as it is... 1*
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