Loving Holiday

Nice story

I'm looking forward for the followup; did their parent hear her moans and sream ? What will sara and alex do ? There is still 6 days of holliday to fill up with sex stories.

So keep going, from now on you're doing a nice job! :D

awesome

keep writing

Hmmm........

Might need a second chapter!

Need a second chapter. This is such a great beginning.

A crock of shit

The sun wasn't up, and yet three hours later they're having dinner, where, in a time warp? Then suddenly as dinner finishes, it's dark again. What a crock of shit...

why the sudden sex between them. will sara join or leave screaming as the parents come running? i hope so.

Crock of shit indeed.

Poorly conceived and even worse written.
For example; if the car was so crowded with four of them in it, where would the expected fifth have gone?

I don't have much of a problem with this one. Sara though, did she follow them or teleport?

Comments of others.

Take what others say with a grain of salt. Those that have many submissions should know how hard it is for the first few stories and the others have no clue since they haven't submitted anything.
You will get better the more you write.

Erotic Writing Virgin.

I have written many erotic stories in my life. For a first time writer, I'm impressed at your work. It flows nicely and the idea is there. You have great potential and I feel you could go far with this. Keep on writing. You will go far.

Sequel? Please?

Nice start

For your first attempt, this is actually pretty good. OK, so you didn't think your timeline and some other details through completely. You still told you story fairly well. You certainly didn't have the mechanical problems so many do on their first story (and some after many stories). If this is your beginning, you have a chance to be very good. And the ending. OMG I didn't see that coming at all. Does that mean there's more of this story to come? (Of course, leaving it there would be very effective too for shock value.)

Next

Very good first one keep it up .Can't wait for your next story .

Great

Well done. Succinct but erotic. Could be easily developed into a full length novel.

Good job

Very well written.Number one on my top five list

not good almost horrible.

IF you are smart ( and i doubt you are ) you will ignore the fake rave reviews and listen only to the complaints that is the ONLY way you will improve. if you are smart you will delete this story and REWRITE it using a GOOD EDITOR and you will always use a GOOD EDITOR before posting from now on.

Awesome

I came three times reading this.... then I went to find my sister.

more pls

Great story any chance of a 2nd chapter tho pls

are u kidding

that story sucked