All Comments on 'Rock and Roll Angel'

Interesting story, but I got derailed by a nitpick: Ash was in 'Alien', played by Ian Holm. Bishop was in 'Aliens', played by Lance Henricksen. Michael Biehn was Corporal Hicks, not an android.

1st of all, it's jan ken po. Secondly, it's the Japanese name, not Hawaiian. It is only called that in Hawaii because of its large Japanese population.

Otherwise, pretty good story. Lesbian aspect is unusual but that's a good thing

But I liked it weird ending and all.

I wrote it the way we said it back home and this is the first time I had to put it in woods. I never knew it was Japaneses though ... thanks ... I didn't plan the lesbian angle ... it just kind of happened.

I can't wait for the rest.

I really enjoyed this! Couple of minor things to note though - you really need to pick what cup size Ashley is, because she keeps changing randomly between B and C. Also, perhaps some of Ethan’s internal thoughts could do with italicising for clarity.

Nice!

Overall I thought it was a pretty good story, but it did have some weird moments. Such as, the way she constantly berates him, why on earth would Ethan choose to stay friends with the lesbian lawyer bitch? And his cousin Ashley? She made it plain early on she wasn’t interested in him, so why beat his head against the wall obsessing over her? He should have cut his losses and moved on. On that one I speak from experience. But the ending. Where would I start? Let’s just say it was so strange it almost ruined the whole story for me. 3*.

You need an editor.