this is a good story but it was too short and could have gone into more detail.
by
Anonymous09/19/13
Drop the seventies racial language too
You might be playing with character, I'm not sure, but the use of "coloured person" stamps the reader right out of any sympathy or engagement. The whole contrivance of these characters uniting over having lost their partners that way is pretty unpleasant tbh. Leave it, it distracts from the writing.
by
Anonymous09/20/13
Language
Use of word coloured made me stop reading. This day in age ...terrible word choice!
by
Anonymous09/20/13
Strange comment
What a strange comment. Obviously someone who sees things only in black and white.
Naiome Campbell recently spoke of women of colour - is that offensive?
by
Anonymous09/20/13
Work on your spelling and grammar.
Sorry, I couldn't finish reading this - your poor English put me right off. Get yourself an editor if you can't do better than this.
by
Anonymous09/20/13
lol
coloured lol just got jerk off trolled
by
Anonymous09/20/13
absolutely horrible
guessing english isn't your first language. there were some parts of this I had to read twice to try to figure out. After the fourth paragraph of this, it wasn't worth the effort
English
good story but too short
this is a good story but it was too short and could have gone into more detail.
Drop the seventies racial language too
You might be playing with character, I'm not sure, but the use of "coloured person" stamps the reader right out of any sympathy or engagement. The whole contrivance of these characters uniting over having lost their partners that way is pretty unpleasant tbh. Leave it, it distracts from the writing.
Language
Use of word coloured made me stop reading. This day in age ...terrible word choice!
Strange comment
What a strange comment. Obviously someone who sees things only in black and white.
Naiome Campbell recently spoke of women of colour - is that offensive?
Work on your spelling and grammar.
Sorry, I couldn't finish reading this - your poor English put me right off. Get yourself an editor if you can't do better than this.
lol
coloured lol just got jerk off trolled
absolutely horrible
guessing english isn't your first language. there were some parts of this I had to read twice to try to figure out. After the fourth paragraph of this, it wasn't worth the effort
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