by MrExcellent
Read the paragraph "She felt tears welling up in her eyes" As 'pick up' lines go that is an Oscar winning performance, I wonder how many guys who read this will give it a shot when they next hit on a likely female :-)
I am seeing the negative responses, and having read your profile (unlike many), I knew what to expect---sort of. I get the appeal of your work. However, your stories themselves tend to be negative as a whole. The brainwashing and starving only has the potential to get me aroused if it results in something sexual. Maybe you can write a piece that is longer and has more depth to it. You have the makings of a good writer.
Thank you for the feedback, Joodle. These first two stories (this one and Perfect) are very much about small moments, and I chose not to include sex in them to focus on the emotional and mental state of the protagonist. In future stories I plan on including sex. Hopefully I will live up to my potential.
I love how you write and this fetish of making a girl look pretty for a man.
i understand the appeal of objectification as a kink but this is just pure nasty misogyny in a non-fantasy environment. gross gross gross