The Rake Ch. 01

huh?

This is confusing and full of errors. Hopefully it will clear up in the next chapter.

WTF was that? Too confusing. NEEDS a hell of a lot of fucking EDITING! Maybe an editor could actually help you to pull am actual story.

Interesting - But only a rough draft

You need to edit. Two obvious problems: Mixing past tense and present tense. Choose one and stick with it. Also, think about creative alternatives to cliches. For example, does a cock really "throb," and when narrated from the woman's point of view, is a mound really "sweet?"

The basic story idea might be good - too soon to tell - but it won't fly without some serious editing.

I'm giving you 3 stars, which supposedly means "keep on writing." But, please do so only with an editor.

Has potential. I am interested to see what this monster is, and the woods are always creepy to this city boy.

An interesting rough draft is superior to a dull polished product. Yes, an editor could help. It could be anyone you trust, who cares about your writing.

Please...

Don't tell me it's THE Rake...

Thank you!

Thank you all for commenting, i was not even aware it was approved since they sent me an email saying it was rejected. I am horrible at grammar, punctuation and all of that, i thought it would be fun to try and write one. I found out that grammar and punctuation were very important, not just the story! So thank you all for making me aware, i am posting another one and i hope it turns out a lot better then this one!

Annam