This was a good story set up and I look forward to more. I read it twice and enjoyed it more the second time. I don't know if I was just distracted the first time, but I had difficultly getting 'hooked' by the initial paragraphs. I found myself skipping lines, then wondering what was happening. Crazy, whiny readers-go figure.... On the second read, I paid attention and the story drew me in. You've done some good foreshadowing, enough we think we know how the story will go. It will be interesting to watch how you play it out.
English
Welcome newbie
Loved the title play on words. :)
This was a good story set up and I look forward to more. I read it twice and enjoyed it more the second time. I don't know if I was just distracted the first time, but I had difficultly getting 'hooked' by the initial paragraphs. I found myself skipping lines, then wondering what was happening. Crazy, whiny readers-go figure.... On the second read, I paid attention and the story drew me in. You've done some good foreshadowing, enough we think we know how the story will go. It will be interesting to watch how you play it out.
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