Club Night

Very nice...

You've got the submissive attitude down well; perhaps next story you can build on your character's reluctance; maybe with two or more guys taking turns forcing her to please them. Of course she should gradually cooperate...

this is so good! you don't need constructive criticism, you need to write more!

Pleased

I have read lots of stories as this has potential to be several chapters. You did a great job on your first story and look forward to seeing more

Take it to BDSM. There's nothing non-con about this, and the reluctance is a joke.

Great first story!

You're off to a good start. Write a sequel soon. Try to emphasize the NC/R aspect a little more. Perhaps Elliott and a friend force Kaiya to submit to them both as she leaves the club. Maybe they follow her home. Lots of possibilities.

It is sometimes difficult to decide which category is most appropriate for a story. Readers have different opinions and are often pretty protective of their favorite categories. Don't take their disagreements with your choice personally. For the most part, they're just trying to help you out.

Keep writing.

Your story is good! Focus on your writing technique a little bit. You switch from writing in the past to writing in the present and back again. Be consistent. Otherwise it was a great read!

Good!

Liked it a lot, hope you continue this story :)

enjoyed

enjoyed the story but would like the next one longer and maybe more seductive very good first effort though