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English
Hard to read...
...harder to understand. I can only speak for myself: This one didn´t do it for me.
5*
Will piss off the snuff porn crowd. Well written. Generally speaking, like your comments about others' stories. You're usually rational.
Of course, nothing irritates the crazies more than logic and moderation. And they wonder why all they're getting on LW these days are cuck stories from the writers who don't give a shit about their screeching. It's because the good writers who experiment don't want or need their crap so they quit writing or write for other venues like SOL.
Despite what they would like to believe, writers don't need them. They need writers.
Anyway, would rather read your stuff than the creampie cucks OR the kill-all-them-skanky-wimmen wet dreams of the BTB crowd.
Keep writing.
confused some...
The opening was confusing and I had to really thing about it...were they walking up to a front door together, each with their own thoughts....then how was he also sitting on a sofa? Then she was on the landing....of the front door? Finally you mentioned a pocket door and I knew they both were in the house....but how..she drove there. The middle story and dialog were fine....very picturesque and easy to understand he was punishing her for her behavior. Then you finish with a surprise....what a glop of cold tripe. Which is it...either she cheated, or she didn't. If it is a game, then the emotions weren't real. If they weren't then the writing was deliberately deceiving. Confused.
well, ok
Like an impressionistic painting, your story more hinted at things, than illustrated them. There was a perceptual shift or a mistake in the initial image and the turnabout at the end was too heavy handed for the rest of the story.
That's all fine if well done, but when painting with words, you must be careful to use enough description to create a more or less complete image......failing that, you must make the characters real enough to engage the audience.
This one fell slightly short on both counts.
A valiant effort, but, sadly, a missed opportunity.
5* Anon
You sound retarded, go take your meds.
Story? Nothing to comment on.
Fantasy
This was a very intricate story. I do not believe cheating was involved, it was a cuckold fantasy. It was a game they played, he got off on reclaiming his property, and she got off by being the repentant wife. The boots were a nice touch, as was the new brassiere. Well done.
I am not surprised at the low scoring, LW is what it is. I think BTTap would have been better served posting in erotic couplings or fetish.
It was a little tough to follow, but that is why we think and question.
Nice job BTTap
Poorly written
Very hard to read,it was like william s. Borroughs not on acid.I liked that it was a fantasy cuck situation,that is different.
Not my thing.
But it floats somebody's boat.
Thanks ***
For the read.
A bit of a dodgy lead in if you're a nazty grammarian such as what I am...
which was a surprise knowing how carefully you hone the dialog. I also didn't quite get if it was eventually just a fantasy, like pillow-talk, or if she actually had been a filthy naughty unfaithful bad slutwife? 3* for the lame version but 5* if she deserves a spanking, the trollop.
OK...I think I worked enough
It seems likely that I worked hard enough to figure out what was happening. Maybe! But I didn't get close enough to Hubby or Sweetie (or Bull-s-) to give a rat's ass! I don't even know if she would rather NOT be doing this, or if she started this spiral in the first place. But the RA criterion is still there!
Repressed Violence
Violent gestures, even if the violent gestures do not lead to actual physical harm, are still a form of violence.
The violent gestures depicted in this story are mostly gratuitous and unnecessary, except as they serve to depict a man who is emotionally very immature.
I can only conclude that the audience for a story like this is other emotionally immature people.
i love the dirty mathafuckasand fuck thw rest of you
That about covers it. Gonna go meat my wife, andill assume your wife wants me...
Damn
I'm so confused!!!
Damn
Cucked AND confused, sux2bu
Meh!
Probably better for you to just give up and not write anymore.
Pointless
His anger was pointless, we the readers were misled, he is a willing cuckold.
Not pretty.
It was also not good.
stupid
and confusing
mostly stupid
Agree with the others
Pointless.
For whomever gives a rat's ass
I write for fun in my free time. Since submitting 2 stories in 2012, I have started and never finished a lot of stories. Some I trashed, others are still there, languishing on my computer.
Fact is, most of them are more similar to "Friend Request Accepted" than to this one. The reason I haven't finished any of them (except for a couple I have trashed) is that, after re-reading what I have written so far, I realize that they tend to be the same thing, more or less, over and over again: first-person narratives about good love gone bad, etc. I want them to read like DQS, but, at their best, they are more like less emotionally involving Slirpuff stories.
I don't want to put out cheap LW knock-off stories.
There may be nothing new under the sun in dramatic LW fiction, but I'm trying.
This story began as a little writing exercise rather than as something I intended to submit to Lit. I had a kernel of a story idea, much different from what I had been working on. I wanted to do 4 things with the story: use the limited omniscient 3rd-person effectively; use dialogue to help drive an emotionally-charged scene; write a sex scene with some heat; and do a (potential) misdirection story that is internally consistent (i.e., the thoughts, actions, feelings and words used earlier in the story ultimately support the reveal). I also got a little flowery with the language, especially at first.
When I was done, I was pretty happy with it. If I were to change it at all, I would probably work on the first part, as it is a bit confusing I must admit. I didn't edit too much (obviously), but rather just posted for the LW commenters to have a field day.
And they did. Which is cool. I'm a little surprised at the more extreme negative comments, considering this is a story about consensual sex between husband and wife. As xwitlessx notes, however, there is some ambiguity in the story.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, and I'll take consolation in the fact that it is short enough that none of you (excepting the most remedial mouth-breathers) had to waste too much time on it.
Flush twice
This is a log of a story and might not fit through the pipes
His behavior seemed a little harsh
He almost chokes her then he maybe rapes her. Not sure. Not sure how he trusts her.
Probably a little too short without enough information.
Just not sure what is going on here
Started as a cheating wife tale, but then veered off into hotwifing or god knows what with hubby's reference to let it be a black guy? Who was the guy she was coming back from? How long had it gone on? Or was she just out on the pull for a night and this is their version of "spicing it up"?
Sick...
This story is sick and sad....
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