It was going so well, Jenson coaching Betsy in the pleasures of the flesh until he shot his load and the story ended.
Why?
Surely better to have brought Betsy to orgasm with his fingers first, a lot of scope for story development there, and then what about a post coital conversation to find out if Betsy wanted more?
Who knows, Jensen might have show Betsy the path to sexual ecstasy!
Just a hint, try to view your writing from the reader's point of view.
This reader was left wanting more, rather like Betsy I think.
Whilst I enjoyed this ,it would have had much more impact with the correct terms of address .Since when do servants not refer to their masters as Sir at least .Betsy was positively rude all the time .
English
Wham bang thank you ma'am
It was going so well, Jenson coaching Betsy in the pleasures of the flesh until he shot his load and the story ended.
Why?
Surely better to have brought Betsy to orgasm with his fingers first, a lot of scope for story development there, and then what about a post coital conversation to find out if Betsy wanted more?
Who knows, Jensen might have show Betsy the path to sexual ecstasy!
Just a hint, try to view your writing from the reader's point of view.
This reader was left wanting more, rather like Betsy I think.
Terms of address
Whilst I enjoyed this ,it would have had much more impact with the correct terms of address .Since when do servants not refer to their masters as Sir at least .Betsy was positively rude all the time .
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