too short, the reader does not know who they are, what is their relationship. Your story is posted in BDSM, so are they D/s? or just a couple into kinky play.? Gave it 4*
She came without permission. I want to know what he is going to do about it. Keep writing.
by
Anonymous10/12/13
I loved this. I don't care about their relationship, this was hot. Write more
by
Anonymous10/21/13
HOT but could use improvement
Amazing start, although for future reference I advise prolonging her teasing, making her beg and plead for her pleasure. Try introducing more toys and ideas into it. Take your time and let her squirm and squeal as she burns with need. Don't spare any of the gory details.
Also, it could use more detail, describe what he/she is doing and how they are doing it. Otherwise very hot, definitely a 4-4 1/2
English
Its good but...
too short, the reader does not know who they are, what is their relationship. Your story is posted in BDSM, so are they D/s? or just a couple into kinky play.? Gave it 4*
Keep writing
She came without permission. I want to know what he is going to do about it. Keep writing.
I loved this. I don't care about their relationship, this was hot. Write more
HOT but could use improvement
Amazing start, although for future reference I advise prolonging her teasing, making her beg and plead for her pleasure. Try introducing more toys and ideas into it. Take your time and let her squirm and squeal as she burns with need. Don't spare any of the gory details.
Also, it could use more detail, describe what he/she is doing and how they are doing it. Otherwise very hot, definitely a 4-4 1/2
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