Cousin's Wedding

Not bad i enjoyed it a lot :)

and then he died in a car wreck on the way home caused by an alien invasion. atleast if you dont add a second chapter that is what i will think happened. hint

nice

Really quite good thoroughly enjoyed it!

Pretty good

Enjoyed reading it. I know this fantasy. But it turns me off when writers give characters huge breasts or baseball bats for cocks. You didn't do that and left it to our imagination.

Interesting

It was worth reading. More expectation from you dear.

needs more

this is half a story at best and should have had a second page but a second chapter would work also. the background and character development were not to good, we could have used more detail about their relationship before this trip. we deffinetly need to know what happens next do they keep having sex? do they move out and live together? or was it a one time thing? does she get pregnat since they didn't use condoms and there was no mention of birth control pills. add one or two more GOOD chapters and you will have a winner, as is it's not that good because it needs more ti be good.

A story that does a lot of little things right

This wasn't a story with grand flourishes to impress the reader. Yet it took a lot of car to avoid pitfalls and pratfalls where a high percentage of tales of this genre founder. Bit by bit, a tension was established with mutual affection & humor at the base.

Things culminated nicely & then an odd but sweet twist gave the reader a smile at conclusion. This story found a style by avoiding most known vogues & concentrating on the basics. Quite nice !

Short but good

Liked your story, good writing. I felt like you rushed it though. Barely a decent intro, almost nothing leading up to the sex, chapters that are not even large enough to be paragraphs, etc. I think if you would put some more effort in it, you'd be one heck of a writer

Great !!

Loved it

Xxx

It was fairly good. But I don't like it when just up and screams "fuck my hot cunt!"or something like that. Especially if they've been hesitant or resisting up til then, it sounds out of place and /or fake. Bert and the mom..saw it coming.

Good short story

Quite often weddings bring people together. Realistic tale of combination of circumstances that just come together at the right time. good job

Good Story

You had a great ending! However, having chapters in a one page story seems absurd. It was too rushed but still worth a 5. Keep writing.

Total fucking rubbish

Written by a wanker

Rushed...and obvious

Too fast, it was done by the numbers, by a very fast count. Next time slow down, tell a story, don't just rush to the tape like this; a well-crafted story with a hot build-up and a well-told climax always works better than a one-page jerk epic.

good story

keep up the good work

I am normally a fan of a slower building story, but this was hot and should have at least a flash back if not more sequels

Fantastic

Loved it
Now for part two?

loved it

Yes, I understand what folks are saying about how it could have unfolded more slowly. But quick reads have their place as well. Very well done for what it is. Please keep writing. I also would love to know what happens next.

*****

You do this very well. It's odd that the quality goes unmentioned in many of the other comments. I've read your other work. It's consistently good. And you are new to the site. Not to writing, it appears. Sequels are always welcome though this story already sounds complete unless you decide you want to bring mom in. That would be welcome. Looking forward to your new work.

I LOVE THE WAY YOU EXPRESS CUTE LOVE

You surely know what you are expressing when there is family attraction to explore...You make me want to enjoy it gracefully ...

a real shame

you wasted your time , our time and the sites space by p[osting a story outline instead of a COMPLETE STORY. there was no background or character development. there was no plot. all we get is a fast sloppy rush to sex with no explaination as to why it happened or if it will continue. at best this should have been chapter two of four as is it should have been tossed out.

These all faceless Anonymous got nothing better to say even if a story line is good. The same comments I read for every story on here. BTW it was a cute little story.

needs a rewrite

this should be chapter four of six. chapter one through three should be about the mom and uncle as kids then this chapter BUT MUCH LONGER WITH MORE DETAIL then two more to properly tell how things end. does she get pregnant, does the father find out, do they keep it up, do they move out and live together. this is less than half a story which makes it a waste of time.

you are telling us it's not love

instead, it's genetic?