Pretend For Me Ch. 05

Though this story had its flaws (be it grammar or a rushed pace)...I just didn't like the ending. Everything seemed too over the top and unbelievable. The fact that he was basically threatening to kill himself to prove a point didn't sit well with me. I get the gesture. I do. However, his family went through so much and the fact that it was to be a gesture of love, it seemed more like a psychotic break someone would have. The premise was good, but the follow through just didn't do it for me.

I would also suggest making a character board and setting up who is who. This way you won't get all the character names mixed. You might also want to setup a timeline of sorts. In the beginning you mentioned it was 10 years in the future. If they had been living that long together, why would the aunt have problems now? The other was the instance with the mailman. It jumped from 12 to 10. I think a little more organization and details (for the story/characters) would go a long way.

I agree with Hopeful_Romantic's comment.

I have tried my best & this is a very 1st attempt at writing this kind of story ever. I am learning as it is.

Sorry

While I agree with the comments, don't give up writing, the only way to learn is to do it.

Love it

for it begin your first time writing, you did a great job. Please give us more stories