dude. jesus. my dick could cause a natural disaster right now.
by
Anonymous10/25/13
.
Why did you write this in present tense? Most (good) authors will tell you not to do that. In fact, many seasoned readers will also tell you that. The mindless bots won't think anything of it.
The danger was a thrill, but why the hell didn't he leave the room?
Setting aside the central plot point that COMPLETELY out of the blue, he wakes to find his daughter and her friend suddenly desperate to suck his cock, why did he risk getting caught? If the wife was a heavy enough sleeper to slumber through all the sexual hijinks that went on literally within arm's reach of her, why didn't he get up at some point? Take the two girls downstairs, or at least down the hall, and fuck their young brains loose? The risk of getting caught was a thrill, initially, but at what point would fear of getting caught compel him to move things to a safer location?
If his wife had woken up, all hell would have broken loose. Marriage almost certainly over; possibly reported to the police; possibly bitter and angry phone calls to family/friends/etc, to tell them all what a pervert he was; etc. End result, in any event, he could have lost everything he had, and been ostracized from everyone he knew.
In that situation, I think I'd have quietly climbed out of bed and taken the minimum precaution of leaving the fucking room.
Initially this story was written in past tense. I wondered if changing it to present tense would bring the reader into the moment as if they were experiencing it instead of just reading about it. When all was said and done, it was difficult to do properly and I don't think it had its intended affect. As this was my first foray, I don't think I would do it again.
To the guy who wanted to know why I didn't get up and leave the room. It's a story dude. I controlled what could happen and the wife waking up wasn't one of them and if she did wake up in my story, she would have joined in. Impossible? No.
To the guy about spelling. Yes, "Lye" didn't look right at the time but I couldn't figure out why and grammar and spell check didn't flag it. I was having a brain fart. When you typed "Lie" I did a "Doh". Thanks for your comments.
by
Anonymous10/27/13
Wanted to read, but turned off by the beginning.
The title and headline were enticing, but the thought of a girl being 5'7" and less than 100 pounds made me cringe. I understand this is fiction, but that's skeletal.
by
Anonymous10/27/13
Yeah 5'7" and less than a 100 pounds would basically require the person to be dead.
by
Anonymous10/29/13
Very nice read
I enjoyed it , the danger added to it
by
Anonymous01/28/14
is this a stolen story?
This is incredibly similar to a story that was on this site this summer, right down to the sleeping wife. Also, lye is a chemical not a verb.
just yet .... i'm about least close being1/2done reading - excellent + awesome
& fantastic + phenomenal - thus far ....... only complaint I've got thus far -
no matter how superb the possibility getting caught (( his wife \ Julia's mother ))
makes it THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY she slept through everything
going on ESPECIALLY WHEN the3ofthem really got things going
NO WAY NO HOW NOT EVER
by
Anonymous03/25/14
Lols I thought I was the only who got turned off by his bony daughter. Only 100 pounds at 5'7 is gross. I'm 5'1 & weight 110 its mostly boobs (36C) & weighted 100 in hs. That was 5 yrs ago & even now I'm still slim. So I'm shorter & weight more than her so those measurements aren't pleasing to my imagination at all. I'm sure fashion models who are like 5'8 & up weight more & their bodies aren't hot to me.
by
Anonymous06/25/14
You forgot a little somethin
Yeah so you're wife had your daughter when she was 5? Your wife is fucking 23 and your daughter is 18 that makes zero sense
I wrote she was my wife of twenty-three years, not that she was twenty-three years old. In this story I don't reveal my wife's age. In subsequent story chapters, I explain that she is forty-three years old.
Loved the story for the most part other than a few descriptors... All referring to pussy, such as 'sloshing pit' and one or two more like that. I understand the meaning, but the picture it paints in my head is that of a big, old, loose pussy. Ugh! So other than changing a bit of wording i thought the story so far is pretty fun!
Oh, on the weight thing... I'm a guy here and I'm 5'7", I have some serious spinal issues and it's been a really rough year dealing with chronic pain, even on triplicate pain medications, so often I just don't eat because I hurt or feel sick and nauseous, so my weight is really down:(. It was down to 118 lb at one point... Let me tell you, this is pretty dang boney, can see all my ribs, etc. mind you I have more muscle mass than a girl, but still... No tits so I can imagine how anorexic a 100lb girl that is 5'7" would be!
I liked the story and the fact that it's a 14 chapter series is a bonus. Going to kind of ignore the daughter's description and substitute my own. Women who are that tall and weigh that little are like stick figures. In my mind, I'm putting 30 lbs on her to get her to a normal weight.
English
holy banana sandwhich
dude. jesus. my dick could cause a natural disaster right now.
.
Why did you write this in present tense? Most (good) authors will tell you not to do that. In fact, many seasoned readers will also tell you that. The mindless bots won't think anything of it.
Good read
Not a bad short story gave it a 5 ......
The danger was a thrill, but why the hell didn't he leave the room?
Setting aside the central plot point that COMPLETELY out of the blue, he wakes to find his daughter and her friend suddenly desperate to suck his cock, why did he risk getting caught? If the wife was a heavy enough sleeper to slumber through all the sexual hijinks that went on literally within arm's reach of her, why didn't he get up at some point? Take the two girls downstairs, or at least down the hall, and fuck their young brains loose? The risk of getting caught was a thrill, initially, but at what point would fear of getting caught compel him to move things to a safer location?
If his wife had woken up, all hell would have broken loose. Marriage almost certainly over; possibly reported to the police; possibly bitter and angry phone calls to family/friends/etc, to tell them all what a pervert he was; etc. End result, in any event, he could have lost everything he had, and been ostracized from everyone he knew.
In that situation, I think I'd have quietly climbed out of bed and taken the minimum precaution of leaving the fucking room.
Why in present tense
Initially this story was written in past tense. I wondered if changing it to present tense would bring the reader into the moment as if they were experiencing it instead of just reading about it. When all was said and done, it was difficult to do properly and I don't think it had its intended affect. As this was my first foray, I don't think I would do it again.
To the guy who wanted to know why I didn't get up and leave the room. It's a story dude. I controlled what could happen and the wife waking up wasn't one of them and if she did wake up in my story, she would have joined in. Impossible? No.
To the guy about spelling. Yes, "Lye" didn't look right at the time but I couldn't figure out why and grammar and spell check didn't flag it. I was having a brain fart. When you typed "Lie" I did a "Doh". Thanks for your comments.
Wanted to read, but turned off by the beginning.
The title and headline were enticing, but the thought of a girl being 5'7" and less than 100 pounds made me cringe. I understand this is fiction, but that's skeletal.
Yeah 5'7" and less than a 100 pounds would basically require the person to be dead.
Very nice read
I enjoyed it , the danger added to it
is this a stolen story?
This is incredibly similar to a story that was on this site this summer, right down to the sleeping wife. Also, lye is a chemical not a verb.
didn't read all:
just yet .... i'm about least close being1/2done reading - excellent + awesome
& fantastic + phenomenal - thus far ....... only complaint I've got thus far -
no matter how superb the possibility getting caught (( his wife \ Julia's mother ))
makes it THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY she slept through everything
going on ESPECIALLY WHEN the3ofthem really got things going
NO WAY NO HOW NOT EVER
Lols I thought I was the only who got turned off by his bony daughter. Only 100 pounds at 5'7 is gross. I'm 5'1 & weight 110 its mostly boobs (36C) & weighted 100 in hs. That was 5 yrs ago & even now I'm still slim. So I'm shorter & weight more than her so those measurements aren't pleasing to my imagination at all. I'm sure fashion models who are like 5'8 & up weight more & their bodies aren't hot to me.
You forgot a little somethin
Yeah so you're wife had your daughter when she was 5? Your wife is fucking 23 and your daughter is 18 that makes zero sense
Read the first sentence again
I wrote she was my wife of twenty-three years, not that she was twenty-three years old. In this story I don't reveal my wife's age. In subsequent story chapters, I explain that she is forty-three years old.
Loved the story for the most part other than a few descriptors... All referring to pussy, such as 'sloshing pit' and one or two more like that. I understand the meaning, but the picture it paints in my head is that of a big, old, loose pussy. Ugh! So other than changing a bit of wording i thought the story so far is pretty fun!
Oh, on the weight thing... I'm a guy here and I'm 5'7", I have some serious spinal issues and it's been a really rough year dealing with chronic pain, even on triplicate pain medications, so often I just don't eat because I hurt or feel sick and nauseous, so my weight is really down:(. It was down to 118 lb at one point... Let me tell you, this is pretty dang boney, can see all my ribs, etc. mind you I have more muscle mass than a girl, but still... No tits so I can imagine how anorexic a 100lb girl that is 5'7" would be!
I liked the story and the fact that it's a 14 chapter series is a bonus. Going to kind of ignore the daughter's description and substitute my own. Women who are that tall and weigh that little are like stick figures. In my mind, I'm putting 30 lbs on her to get her to a normal weight.
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