Hot! You definitely have potential as a writer. Literotica has a volunteer editor program - your writing could be much more absorbing if you got some help with grammar and proofreading.
This is absorbing and descriptive. Maybe a slight stylistic adjustment to make it more of a narrative and less an accounting?
Congratulations on O, she sounds like a wonderful girlfriend!
by
Anonymous11/01/13
so hot
The story was amazing made me cum all over the bed you and O are lucky to have eachother
by
Anonymous11/02/13
Hot
This was so sexy! I loved you And O. It had my cum everywhere. Loved it
English
Hot - needs editing
Hot! You definitely have potential as a writer. Literotica has a volunteer editor program - your writing could be much more absorbing if you got some help with grammar and proofreading.
good
great content. need urgency.
Beautiful Story
This is absorbing and descriptive. Maybe a slight stylistic adjustment to make it more of a narrative and less an accounting?
Congratulations on O, she sounds like a wonderful girlfriend!
so hot
The story was amazing made me cum all over the bed you and O are lucky to have eachother
Hot
This was so sexy! I loved you And O. It had my cum everywhere. Loved it
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Aural Pleasure or
More submissions by Queer.