by Tx Tall Tales
I thoroughly enjoyed this.There was enough sex to keep it interesting and the ghost story was supurb.
but the end result is worth it. Very well-written. You do have a thing for renovations though, don't you. ;)
Loved the subtle differences between the ladies in his life and how the little pieces came together. It was kind of sad how Karen was separated from the ghosts, but it also rings true - not everyone is open to the things we can't explain.
Fifteen pages is about all of the reading time that I get for a week, but since it is you (and the comments were so positive) I'll tackle it. Critique later (after I've read it. Ha, ha!)
Do
Harder to do than you think. I've read all your stuff (yeah, the Tx part of it got my attention first; gotta support the republic, yes?) and your longer works are just more well done and thought out. This one sucked me in, as I'm sure was the intent. I really adored the ending--managing to insert War of Northern Imperialism stuff into it and the family continuity is a masterful touch on the haunted house theme.
I'd love to see something centered around Enchanted Rock one of these days. Call it regional pride or even the peculiarly local mass psychosis that is Texas, but the only other writer who could even approach it is StangStar and he's crippled by that tragic Yankee handicap. Besides, there's a distinct flavor to the speech patterns of the Staked Plains and the Hill Country that foreigners just can't duplicate.
Anywho. Fabulous work as always, but this one is even better. Just saying.
This ain't exactly a flash story! I hadn't noticed that you'd written a novel until I clicked forward and them pages just kept coming. It's well worth it though.
I really thought at some point when the story line said Don had left some bastards out there, and Jack had grown up without knowing his parents, that Jack was going to end up being a true son of Don and Bevs blood nephew!
Enchanting story but too many questions, red herrings, plot lines unfinished. It feels like you hurried it at the end.
I was certain Jack was Don's illegitimate son/grandson? That would explain so much, such as his obsession with the house, and his affinity with Mary and Bev at the end. And why all the emphasis on the broach and ring that went nowhere? I want to know what Bev was thinking at the end, and did she kill herself? Did she have a heart attack? and how did she know that she'd be able to help? Just so many open questions. After so many pages, I think one more page could have tied a lot of it up nicely.
As someone else said, I felt sorry for Karen, that she was left out in the cold, unable to communicate or even recognize the other ghosts. How is it the 'bad' ones had so much control over her, when the others had none.
It was still a rollicking story, with an unusual ghostly relationship that really worked for me. Great stuff as usual. Just wish you tied up the loose ends. Maybe there's another story here.
This was evocative. It's very well done, though the ending felt a bit rushed. Not so much the solution but the rush there. I loved it. Pretty far from some of your ventures but one of your best. There's love here, not just sex, and that is what helps make it so strong.
Loved it, could do with some plot lines being finished but still well worth 5*.
I peruse a lot of the stories here on Literotica, and I find this a very descriptive, entertaining story. TexasTallTales has done an outstanding job of placing my vivid imagination within this tale, and the proof to that is when the characters almost come to life. Well done!
I love that he could see Mary and Bev could talk to her. I've always thought that if there was a ghost around, I'd hear it, but not see it. I'm all auditory. That brought realism to the fantasy.
I also suspected that Jack was Don's son. I think I'll just choose to believe that's the case.
It was worth waiting for. I love these people.
I can't thank you enough for this wonderful and touching story. Wow. Just....wow!
That Old House should win the Halloween contest going away.
This is a story that Hollywood could do well if they were smart enough to do it and hire the right director --maybe Spielberg?
But who were the evil spirits? Why were they there?
This the possibly the best story of any genre I've read in a very long time. Thank you.
I have, until now, not found a story on here worth commenting on. Just fantastic. My one wish is that the evil upstairs had been explained, but even that seemed to fit the story! Keep up the fantastic work and you will be in print in no time.
from details in the story it appears you have read some of the Warrens work on demonology, the beings on the third floor match some of their experiences very closely to cases involving very powerful demons.
overall a very good read, I was expecting the main character to be related to Bev because of his affinity for Mary and that family connection
I loved this story. Having been through a couple of home renovations myself, I enjoyed that part of the story line. Great sex without making it repetitive. I gave you a 5/5.
Well there's just too many positives to list. So I'm going to do an HIV & go completely negative . HUGE FLAW no. 1 ; they're not ( yet ) making a movie adaption of this story so I could see the adaption of this storythis upcoming weekend.
My humble suggestion is to reunite Ryan Gosling & Christina Hendricks to play buxom Karen from 'The Driver' to play the leading ( & living ) male/ female roles. HUGE FLAW no.2 : there's no sassy, supporting female character role for Whoopi Goldberg to play. Demi Moore could play Mary if there's LOTS of Vaseline on camera lens & zipper to R.G. 's trousers..
In all seriousness TxTallTales appears to have another hot rating in yet another category. Gay Male appears to only story phylum sacrosanct from his talents. Whew ( not that there's anything wrong with that) !
If I have to read any more like this one I'll never get any sleep. This isn't scary except for how well the story is put together. No, my problem is that it is usually between 10 and 11 at night before I can get started on a story.
I have to agree with another commentator, this will probably turn into a movie.
I do have one question for the writer, (nothing bad or even story related for that matter); how long does it take you personally to write something like this once you've got the basic idea in mind?
Thanks for a really enjoyable tale.
Jerry
The best story I have ever read on here! You did an amazing job giving characters just enough detail to interest and make us care. Enough so our imaginations filled in the rest. The sex fit the rest of the story without givivg the reader every drooling detail. Excellent job and can't wait to read more stories from you.
sorry for my bad english i am from germany and english is a bit difficult for me ....
but this story is the very best i ever read ... and i have read many.....
go on budy take your pencil an write .....
W R I T E !!!
you are a brilliant rider and storyteller
I can only say one word about this story. OMG had me hooked from the first sentence. Well done. And I agree with the author, kind of hard to find the right category for this one, but whatever category it's in, it's still an amazing piece of work.
Fifteen pages and I want more! MORE! How sick is that? I just discovered you, I think I'm going to go now and see what else I've missed. This was a gem.
I generally like all your stories, although some are a bit of for me. However, this one is a 5. Not overly sappy, it's sexy, romantic, and descriptive. This is a winner.
What a great story.
You really know how to spin a tale - this was well worth the read.
I am in no way a critic and in truth I don't know my hat from my arsehole when it comes to how to write a story - but this is really good - as are so many of your other stories.
Well done and a sincere thank you.
Thank you for all your effort in cranking out all those pages of fabulous, exciting, scary, and yes, erotic, prose. It is one damn fine story. Tx Tall Tales, you've outdone yourself this time.
Someday, I hope to post a story that's half as good as this one.
If this story doesn't make it into the top ten of the all-time erotic horror category, I'll eat my hat.
In my humble opinion, I think we've found a winner in the Halloween contest.
Damn Boss, you hit this one out of the park. Keep up the great work.
This is one of your best stories TTT! I loved it! Keep up the great writing.
Great story, engaging storyline and a good mix of normal and paranormal content made for an interesting read. 5/5
you have been so wonderful writing such a beautiful story with horror,romance,fiction,.......all that i love about...thanks for such a story..and keeping rock'ng
I only read it because of the author, but what a great story. I love how much effort you're putting into developing characters and giving them life, rather than just focussing on sex. I also love having more time to spend with the characters; I hope you will write more!
Well paced romantic story. One of the best on the site. Erotic and interesting. Is truly a great Tall Tale!
Tx Tall Tales has set a new standard that he and other writers are going find hard to match. I have a feeling a new genre has been started and wait with anticipation for future mini novels of the same quality. It was a treat to read. Congratulations.
The story is awesome. I like it a lot. The big fight at the end was kinda quick. The slow burn with Mary was rager inspiring. I thought the way he claimed Bev as Mother was cool.
Well, it's certainly an extremely impressive effort (5 stars from me), but I do feel disappointed at how the story progressed from the 4th page or so, especially at how it ended. Would have preferred a happy, sappy ending with Jack with Mary, instead of Karen being dragged in.
And being the hopeless romantic that I am, I would very much like if you would write a sweet, simple, love story between two people. Much like "M&M Kisses"
Rarely do I find myself on the cusp of literary eloquence but this is as good as it gets for me, of course I am just a simple guy who has only attended the school of hard knocks but this has all the excitement of a fairy tale to me... I relate to all the characters as I am also adopted in a foreign country so there is no way I could have ever found my birth parents and I was raised with not many happy moments and always alone so kudos for this one, it has intelligence, poise, wit, charm, terror, depression and in the end a happy balance and in some way this has given me some closure so thank you... Your future efforts will also get my most favored status in reading...
Your Friend Sam...
I think u should be writing mainstream novels+- I would definitely buy them!!!
Talk about a page turner. I couldn't stop reading once I started. Fine job TTT, damn fine job.
Your stories always tend to be page turners even if I don't like the outcome, but that's the best damn story i've ever read I think.
The long form is problematic for this site, but your story benefitted from the detail only possible with length. Given the The 3d floor terror, this is a "Horror" story rather than a Romance. Besides, Romance requires a obstacle preventing love or the consummation of love. It was almost too easy to find and consummate love in many forms ;)
Thank you for yet another great story.
That was a long ass read, but worth every minute of it. First time I read anything that long on here, but I just couldn't stop. It's 2:30am and I'm going to be dragging ass in the morning. I only wish I could have a Mary to wake me up. If you don't win the contest, somethings wrong. Easy 5*****
I loved the story, not as much sex as i'm used to from one of your stories but a great story nonetheless.
You are an incredible writer and I have enjoyed all your stories, but this is by far the best, keep it up. Thank you!!
Don't stop writing - this has just moved to the top of my favorite list! Wonderful job, thank you.
Never read anything quite like it, but an incredible story, one of your best. You mentioned you had never tried this venue before, it appears you might want to visit it again. I believe you may have another one in the "win" column. Thank you
This is an incredible story that I couldn't stop reading once I started (seriously, I read it while watching the World Series which is not easy for a Sox fan)! Beautifully crafted and so well written. You have mastered the art of pulling your reader into the story. By the final pages my heart was racing as I wondered if Jack and his girls would lose it all.
Please, please keep writing in this genre. You have done a phenomenal job!
Truly, this is a well deserved win. Your writing took me from being an Anonymous Lurker/commenter to feeling the obligation to hang a name on my comments. You, sir, deserve every kudo that may come your way for your writings.
What I'd like to know is where do you find the time to write and polish a story so well with such a busy work and home life? Have you indeed found Rocky Horror's Time Warp? It must be something along those lines.
Thank you, and BRAVO!
I could not pull myself away from the computer till the end of the story.
Been an anonymous reader for a while. This is the best story on the site I have ever come across. Wonderful job, congratulations!
How is it possible for a story to be this damned AWESOME! I can see why it won 1st place. Thank you for the smiles, laughter and tears. You rock!
Its a shame this wasn't actually a book, cos I would seriously go out and buy it after reading it
I have always been a fan of your stories but this one blows the doors off.
Please keep writing i swear it might have been long but it was
the best 15 pages Ive read on this site!
Thumbs up to you my good man!
This...is pretty much as good as it gets for me for amateur fiction (and frankly, you should be writing professionally, IMO)
Honestly, I am sitting here, humiliated at my paltry efforts while I read something of this quality and class.
Here are things which stuck out at me:
Verisimilitude: Good writing is the basics: a good plot, workmanship like writing which follows RULES, good spelling, characters who are introduced and a story arc.
GREAT writing takes that and expands on it. It offers these little deft touches which make a plot into a world.
The example which had me had me rolling my eyes in a literary orgasm (a Lore-gasm?) was this little throw away sentence around page 5: The local university (WITH the correct name of who would care about such things) wanted to keep the old growth forest as a national treasure.
Just Fucking Perfect!
The fact that this guy would need a handy building inspector who would cover his ass.
How wood needed to be kiln dried to be useable.
Dozens and dozens of these 'throw away lines' which AREN'T throw away at all. They help the audience immerse themselves in the story...and at it's best, educate people.
A piece of cloth is a piece of cloth. Weft and warp. Except when you start to double the thread count, add different colors, weights and even angles of other threads. Tiny little changes which makes a basic something like a bed sheet into a tapestry. But you need to add these tiny little details to make something grand.
The use of language: hot toddy, knackered. Yes, we have all heard these terms...but to use age appropriate words just takes Bev from 'old woman' to 'Bev, the real person you believe in and care about'.
And BAM, he does it to me again: "She hadn't said it back". I am like a giddy fanboy with this story.
Needless to say, the budding romance between Karen and Jack had me emotionally engaged. Heck, the relationship between Bev and Jack had me emotionally engaged. If I have any complaint, it was that they seemed to gel quickly...but honestly, that was due to writing shorthand and the fact that 14 pages discussing joists would be rather boring. It could have used a bit more interaction between the mains...but it is hardly a substantive complaint.
While I would have loved to know more about the villain, who seems to have a thing for kids and pregnant women, it couldn't be within the scope of the story. I suppose we could have a batty old woman tell us everything ala Catwoman, which right there discredits that as a means.
Instead, I shall have to weather my unassuaged desires and relish the parts I liked.
This story worked in all kinds of subtle ways for me. The number of hours it took to write must have been significant. You deserve the prize for this story.
FD45
A deserved winner, so many things were so right with this story, from the characters, the setting, the research, to the first hints of a haunting to the tastefully done (I can not even bring myself to type sex when relating to your story as it was all beautifully done!) "love" making scenes. Wonderful.
I was hooked by around page 5 and I wanted to leave you a gushing praising comment by then but the thought of spoilers had me persevere to the end.
I have made a mental note to read all of your works past and present.
5 Stars+
One of the best short stories I have read in a long time!
Brilliant and captured my interest from start to finish. The erotic parts of the story sensually written - fit the story really well. Hope you win first prize. Will definately be searching out your other stories. This was truly a masterpiece and a joy to read.
Congratulations. Well done, and quite deserving of the award.
I enjoyed the mix of romance, eroticism, and the supernatural. It's an original story, well written. The characters are properly developed and given some purpose and motivation. Their dialogue is realistic and natural. The method of conversing with Mary was interesting.
I like how Mary developed, gradually adding to the spookiness factor.
It took me a few evenings to finish the story. I caught myself thinking about it during the day, looking forward to getting back to the story that evening.
All in all, I give it five thumbs up.
As the title says , it was the best story I've ever read on this site and would make a great movie!!!I couldn't stop reading it until i was finished(started reading at work).
I am not a writer and don't like criticising anyone's work but i do feel like the ending was rushed. Who were the ghost and why so evil and angry, why did they kill Mary, why was Mary scared to go on the 3rd floor even though they couldn't hurt her anymore, how and why did bev have to die.
Beautiful story line, well written pulls you in and make you feel like you are there. Keep up the great work .
This story deserves 50 stars, positively and absolutely fantastic.
With every one of your stories, I think I have just about read all of them, the sex and the story intertwine so well that I just cant stop reading to find out what happens next.
DON'T USUALLY READ GHOST STORIES BUT I READ THIS ONE BASED ON YOUR REPUTATION AND WAS GLAD I DID.
I didn't realize how long your story was when I started reading it. Your writing sucked me in and kept me reading into the wee hours of the morning. Definitely well worth the time and deserving of your first place win! Great job!
that was awesome! wow i wlda def voted for u in the halloween contest if i had it read it before. just wow. not the most erotic for me but i dont care. i was so involved i nearly cried when bev was dead.
also, love this :
"It's something I didn't understand about women. They always seemed to be unhappy with their looks. Why couldn't they understand a man didn't want to make love to a stick? A man wants something to hold onto. An ass with some give to it, breasts that shook when her body moved. Soft padded flesh, not skin and bones. Skinny women might look gorgeous, dressed in the latest fashion. Real women looked better once those clothes came off."
Bravo!
This is a lengthy inventive story that is pretty much at the top of the heat of all literotica publications.
This is the very best story here! You brought tears to my eyes, the hair on my arms actually stood up when Jack fought Evil, I sighed when he escaped.
Thank You
I have always enjoyed your writing, the erotic imagination of the stories and the quality of your work. This one went in a different direction and was difficult to leave when I needed to. I enjoyed it very much.
this although it is supposed to be an erotic story it had me crying on some parts for some reason, this story was amazingly good.
I sincerely hope we go back and explore the house. The other families and what caused the evil. Excellent as always
I have never made a comment on any story before now. I was spell bound. This was a great story and I hope to read more great stories from you in the future. It left me speechless.
I'm glad I finally took the time to read all the way through this. I looked at it when I read many of the other Halloween entries, but never quite had the time to commit to 15 pages. (I work at a costume rental shop, so you might guess I'm a bit busy around Halloween!)
I'm only sorry that my 5-star rating didn't contribute to your win, but you obviously did ok without me. :)
I love your attention to detail, especially about restoring The House. It touched a chord with me, because I have a dream house of my own. I'll probably never own it, but I love it dearly all the same. In a way I got to pretend that your House was mine, which was a treat. Thank you for a wonderful tale.
I loved reading this! I'm not sure why your stories hit me just right, other than that they are great! But I love the character interactions and the fun sexual situations. Please keep writing, as you are GREATLY appreciated!!!
An absolutely amazing story! I fell in love with all of the characters, and I am not ashamed to admit I got teary when Bev fought the baddies. Thank you for writing something so fantastic!
This was one of your best stories ever, and I like many others am sorry I didn't read it for the contest. This is by far one of the best stories I have read on this site and my favorite of yours that I have read. Good Job and keep up the good work.
Fantastic story! This was one of the best stories on this site I have ever read. Great characters, suspenseful, and well written.
Another wonderful story from a talented writer. I agree with some of the comments about the end, but in my current project I can understand. What you think will be a few pages seem to take over and have to be drawn to a conclusion some how or they could go into a fifty chapter novel and still have unexplored lines like a modern soap opera. I hope mine gets half the reviews your did.
And to those of you that asked, something like this takes many months if your lucky!
I'm glad that the ending didn't have Bev turned into a sex raving addict, and that Karen never got involved with the ghosts. Gives it a unique story all the way. Very nice.
Wow. I am impressed. Sir, you tell a good story. Not only is this well told, but your skills are outstanding.
As for the story... A Lotta Fun. The image of a ghost with impeccable oral skills has me wanting my own old house. I had my own Bev, who is sadly gone, a lovely lady. And I have my own Karen, so I am lucky.