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English
potential
while your storyline has much potential, it never built up steam. where your story should have had much more detail, you just barely skimmed the surface....detail, detail, detail. Your 4some should have so much detail it would fill up one or two more pages.
I'm with anonymous
We need more detail. This is exactly my preferred scenario - 3 guys gangfucking a woman - the cock to hole ratio is perfect, the complete lack of inhibition and no backstory is great, the getting straight down to it and banging away is what I want. But it reads like a story plan. I would love to read some more - I want to hear her ask to be fucked, I want the boys to tell her what they are going to do to her, I want her to vocalise what's shes feeling as they pound her. I want her to be tested to the very limit and then ask them back again for more.
Work with an editor
Okay, so the ideas are there... but you should find an editor. Your sentence structure is a mess, there are several typos or word omissions (honestly, I'm surprised they didn't send it back to you to clean up) and all of this takes a generally good idea and makes it difficult to read.
Head to the forums, I'm sure you'll find someone willing to work with you!
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